Annoying morning songs

My local radio station plays some absolute rubbish, it has to be said, as most of them probably do when they’re obliged to mix the hits of today with those from yesteryear. I swear mine only has about two-dozen songs to choose from that they squeeze between loud advertisements and loud, inane chatter. But the traffic reports are helpful and I like to know when to expect the next high tide, so I tolerate the endless repetition and just keep complaining about the song selection to whoever will agree that it’s appalling in this day an age. It doesn’t take much to turn the radio off and back on a little later, after all, by which time something more to my liking might be playing. And if you do switch stations, you might be pleasantly surprised to hear something you’ve not heard in years, and you wouldn’t have heard it at all if you hadn’t felt forced to change in the first place.

However, first thing in the morning, you don’t want to be switching stations. This requires thought and focus and some decision-making. That limited song selection becomes that much more severe.

These songs might very well irritate in the afternoon and evening, too, but those who don’t consider themselves to be a “morning person” will appreciate most that they become much, much more annoying in the morning. They’re either too loud, too long, too happy, too sad, too silly, too soppy, too strange, too slow or too fast.

Some of them have too many words and you know not nearly enough commas, like ‘Truly Madly Deeply’ by Savage Garden. This borders on cruelty when your mind’s at its most vulnerable.

There are others that make no sense, such as ‘Unskinny Bop’ by Poison. What exactly does that mean? I can’t try to make sense of it when I’ve just woken up.

Perhaps the singer’s too theatrical for your liking (‘Music’ by John Miles; thank you for that, Alan Parsons) or too confident and generally obnoxious (ever heard ‘That’s Not My Name’ by The Ting Tings and felt that’s precisely what’s wrong with children today and why we should bring back national service?), or just not much of a singer (go on, play ‘Come Up and See Me (Make Me Smile)’, by Steve Harley and Cockney Rebel, or Hot Chocolate’s ‘You Sexy Thing’, and tell me I’m being unkind). These aren’t voices for first thing in the morning.

There are those that go on far longer than need be (Chumbawamba’s ‘Tubthumping’), especially those which contain an annoying, dull, slightly sickly chorus (yes, I’m thinking of you, James Blunt).

I don’t want to hear Tina Charles going on – and, God, she really does keep on – about how she loves to love but her baby loves to dance. What exactly does she mean by that? I shouldn’t be considering her love-life at silly o’clock in the morning, sighing about how the meaning of the word “love” has been so violently twisted over the last forty years (dirty beggars that we are), wondering if her “baby” might actually be gay, if he’d rather be dancing, and hoping he’d found a way to tell her and is by now living happily with another man. And what if she was singing about a baby all along? Did anybody stop to consider this? (Maybe it’s made clear in the lyrics, but all I remember is her loving to love and her baby loving to dance. Funny, that.)

There are those you might switch off on principle (‘Blurred Lines’, on account of it being vulgar; anything by Justin Bieber or One Direction, on account of them being everywhere; simply because so-and-so is a pervert or a Tory or a tax-dodger or a prat). Getting yourself all in a panic before you’ve properly come to can be hazardous. Did you have a glass of water or book beside the radio? Your smartphone?

Then there are those that invite an impatient, indignant ‘Don’t tell me what to bloody-well do or how I’m supposed to feel!’, such as Lily Allen’s ‘Smile’, a song that most definitely does not make me smile. It actually makes me thankful that I don’t possess a gun.

There’s Abba. Oh Lord, every day there’s Abba…

Michael Bublé seems like a nice man but my local radio station, I can only guess, strongly believes that the world might abruptly end if they don’t play him thrice daily. And not his agreeable Big Band covers, which I wouldn’t mind so much, but his hits. I don’t even know if they were hits, I’m guessing that they were. I don’t care, I only wanted to know which roads to avoid if I’m going to be on them later.

I like cheery, even silly in moderation, just not first thing. I like
‘Blackberry Way’
, a lot, just not first thing. Words dragged out, trembling as they tail off, are torture when you’re not yet awake – as I discovered to my annoyance this morning.

And with some songs – we all know this – if you let them inside your head, they’ll be there all day long and you won’t be able to get them out. Some say that the only hope of ridding yourself of an earworm, and it’s a miserable course of action to have to take, is to play the blasted song that’s tormenting you so, which can be embarrassing and potentially harmful to those near you.

(Or you could try solving some anagrams, say the scientists helpfully, but they would, wouldn’t they?)

Whilst I mostly agree with the Rolling Stone list of 20 Most Annoying Songs (is ‘Photograph’ really so bad?), there are 20 worse than these, I’m sure. Where’s ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’? I doubt anything in the jungle could sleep through that frightful din. Where’s ‘Achey Breaky Heart’? There are so many more.

‘Seasons In the Sun’, ‘Islands In the Stream’. Alarm clock in the bin.

Accepting, obviously, that anybody could come to despise any song if used as an alarm for long enough (really, who honestly wants to wake up to the “Oh, Mamma Mia, Mamma Mia” bit in ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’?), and that classical music might be a wiser choice than anything from the pop-rock genres; for all those whose alarm is the radio rather than beeping and vibrating stupidly, which is a horrible way to wake up, and for still having a clock-radio in 2014, this one’s for you. Chances are you will wake up to at least one of these wretched songs one of these days and now you might just be able to laugh about it knowing that other people share your pre-breakfast irritation, rather than risking damage to yourself and your property.

20 better – that’s 20 worse – than Rolling Stone managed, please.

Author: FEd

Features Editor of David Gilmour’s official blog, The Blog (‘Features’ previously being its rather naff title), affectionately – or lazily – shortened to ‘FEd’.

55 thoughts on “Annoying morning songs”

  1. Hi Fed… long time no speak… troubled waters have finally calmed, I think I can safely say… it is good to see someone called Fed, obviously got out of a very warm bed, quite begrudgingly it was said! Haha, how I have missed your ‘mellifluous’ textual imagery and subtle disparaging comments.

    This might cheer you up, I am at present enjoying ‘Idiot Wind’ et al from ‘Blood On The Tracks’ by the wonderful Mr Zimmerman. 🙂

    Hope to ‘chat’ soon.

    Martin D

  2. Brown Eyed Girl – Van Morrison
    Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton
    Walk Of Life – Dire Straits
    Unchained Melody – Robson and Jerome
    Simply The Best – Tina Turner
    No Limits – 2 Unlimited

    …and anything by Abba, Wham, Neil Diamond and Gareth Brooks is total rubbish IMHO.

    1. Oh, those are all very annoying. That Dire Straits one would get right on my wick first thing in the morning.

  3. Well I have a simple solution to this problem. I don’t listen to music radio stations … Really hardly ever. On the odd occasion that I do, I last maybe 3 minutes, depending on

    a) whether the music is half decent (this is probably about a 25% chance)
    b) how long into the song it is.

    Inevitably I turn off very soon after the DJ (should we still call them DJ’s I wonder? I don’t think there is a lot of jockeying going on and almost certainly no discs) starts to talk. Who is it that decided that the listener wants to hear sure puerile, uninformed nonsense? Or some inane phone interaction with some other idiot who doesn’t even have ‘polish’ to theoretically offset the inanity?

    Of course it has recently emerged that all DJ’s have a tendency towards inappropriate behaviour, often involving the wrong sort of cuddling so the whole business is just too unedifying.

    As you can see, the annoyingness of the song barely enters into it for me … Even the little gems you mention would be a breath of fresh air compared to what these numbskulls inflict on us. Even slightly chubby Tina Charles and her metro-sexual love interest. By the way I am never comfortable with the use of ‘baby’ in pop songs … Where did that come from? Does anyone actually say ‘baby’? I can just about see that ‘babe’ has become shorthand for a certain sort of glamour puss (and piglet) although if I used the term close to home I suspect it would result in a case of frying pan abuse.

    Anyhoo I much prefer talk radio …. Good old Radio 4 for news and comedy and Radio 5 for news / current affairs, sport commentary … I’m afraid neither can serve the local traffic news of course although as we only have one decent road in Norfolk and it’s either OK or blocked by turkeys being walked to market, it’s all a bit simpler here.

    The alarm is set to Radio 4 so we awake to some sort of bad news story from whichever corner of the World is recently afflicted, or if we strike lucky a gentle radio ramble through a woodland somewhere. At the moment there is a ‘tweet of the day’ in the form of a bit of birdsong and a brief description of plumage and mating habits from Bill Oddie – now what could be nicer than that?

    1. At the moment there is a ‘tweet of the day’ in the form of a bit of birdsong and a brief description of plumage and mating habits from Bill Oddie – now what could be nicer than that?

      I can’t think of anything.

    2. I’ve checked out the lyrics of “I Love To Love” and despite being one of the more depressing reads (boy oh boy is there some repetition) I do not think we can be completely clear about whether Tina’s baby is in fact a suppressed homosexual but we can probably rule out him being an infant unless

      a) he is able to stand at a precociously young age
      b) Tina takes him to the local park to hear the band playing while she feeds the ducks … but then actually he might be in the sand-pit now I come to think of it … but no surely she would take him home in time for his tea ..

      “The minute the band begins to swing it
      He’s on his feet to dig it and dance the night away
      Stop, I’m spinnin’ like a top
      We’ll dance until we drop, but if I have my way
      Oh, I love to love …. etc etc”

      No I think Tina will have to face it, this relationship may never be consummated …

    3. “By the way I am never comfortable with the use of ‘baby’ in pop songs … Where did that come from? Does anyone actually say ‘baby’?”

      Can you say Barry White? 😀

  4. 1010WINS rarely, if ever, plays music and that’s what I go to sleep with and wake up to – perpetual news … as if that’s not annoying enough. 😉

    A few spring to mind that I can’t deal with even when fully awake …

    I Got You, Babe – Sonny & Cher
    Never Gonna Give You Up — Rick Astley
    Makarena – by Aldo Cadiz, Matthew Lima
    Gangnam Style – Psy
    Oh Mickey – Toni Basil
    Can’t Touch This — MC Hammer
    Ylvis – The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?) – made the ’rounds last year and I was tempted, on more than one occasion, to hit the drink!
    Wicked Game – Chris Isaak — I cannot for the life of me explain why I hate this song so much but I do …

    1. Ylvis – The Fox (What Does The Fox Say?) – made the ’rounds last year and I was tempted, on more than one occasion, to hit the drink!

      I heard it once and think I did.

    2. Oh Mickey – Toni Basil

      Pavlov…that is on a different bad level!…Damm you!!..I’ll be humming it the rest of the day now!!!

    3. Damm you!!..I’ll be humming it the rest of the day now!!!

      You’re so very welcome Paul. 😀

    1. I awoke to the sound of three tails banging off the end of the bed because they all wanted out for a pee, as usual. Wouldn’t have it any other way! x

  5. Happy Birthday Lorraine. Got a great song for you to listen to – “Marguaritaville”.

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! If that guy lost his shaker of salt, I’m sure he wouldn’t have to go far to find some. What a joke. LOL.

    Pavlov’s Chris Issaac song “Wicked Game” drives me off to the loony bin also.

  6. I was going to post the Blue Mink version of the annoyance that is Good Morning Freedom until I stumbled upon this rendition.

    I’m amazed to hear her singing actual words.

  7. Lorraine, I feel like a terrible friend, I didn’t wish you Happy Birthday yesterday.

    Sorry, I hope you had a lovely day. 🙂

    Kisses.
    ash

  8. “Where’s ‘The Lion Sleeps Tonight’?”

    Try waking up to this (the only version there should be in my humble opinion – I LOVE her voice). 😮

  9. For the brief period I had the radio on before going to work, if it was before 6am, I still got the good rock anything from A-Z (AC/DC to Led Zepp). Post 6am it was a bit of chatter in between two songs before I left. However, and I hate to say this BUT if any of those tracks were a Pink Floyd song I knew my day would only get worse.

    On one Monday last August after Comfortably Numb the train driver didn’t turn up, by the time I eventually got to work the entire weeks intake had landed on my desk, horrid phone calls, system going wrong, assigned to a task I hadn’t done for years with no refresher and the train breaking down in the middle of nowhere on the way home…..you get the picture.

    Next morning I was greeted with Wish You Were Here….at least the train turned up but nothing else had improved.

    By the Wednesday I was already to turn the radio off if any Floyd track came on!!!! Those few days were a forerunner of how bad things were going to get and thankfully the opportunity arose to take the money and run (like hell!), ironically the first day of my ‘retirement’ coincided with the gales and storms during which no trains were running at all…..wonder which Floyd track they’d played that morning!!!!

    Have a good weekend.

    Best wishes
    Heather

  10. … no radio, no annoying songs for me since 2007. 🙂

    On the other hand, no news and nothing to complain about, either, but the the former are always bad and the later is something I can live without.

    Have a nice weekend!

    Taki

  11. I am still trying to think of the worst so called music we hear on the radio as there is so much. Trying to put 20 down is proving difficult. But some really exciting news:

    Kate Bush is doing 15 dates in London. How mad is that? I expect getting tickets will be difficult but one will try.

    Kind regards
    Damian

  12. I’m working on my list but I find that I really don’t listen to stuff I don’t enjoy. An interesting fact; with poor TV visuals people take (on average) seven seconds to change the channel, but with poor audio, it takes only three.

    Happy Birthday Lorraine!

    I’m sure most people here want to know if David has anything to do with the first Kate Bush shows in 35 years, and perhaps more specifically, which night may he show up to play? One can vicariously wish (since I won’t be going). . .will you be there FEd?

    1. I’m sure most people here want to know if David has anything to do with the first Kate Bush shows in 35 years, and perhaps more specifically, which night may he show up to play?

      I couldn’t say, I genuinely don’t know anything about the plans. It would be nice though, wouldn’t it? I’ll wish with you, as unfortunately I won’t be there either.

  13. FEd, you requested 20, instead I’ll rouse you with another Annoying A to Z.

    Apologies for any earworm discomfort this may cause.

    Agadoo – Black Lace
    Birdie Song – The Tweets
    Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep – Middle Of The Road
    Dance Little Lady Dance – Tina Charles
    Early In The Morning – Vanity Fair
    Faith – George Michael
    Good Morning Starshine – Oliver
    Happy Birthday – Altered Images
    It’s Four In The Morning – Faron Young
    Just The Way You Are – Billy Joel
    Karma Chameleon – Culture Club
    Lovely Day – Bill Withers
    Message In A Bottle – Police
    Never Gonna Give You Up – Rick Astley
    On My Radio – Selecter
    Painter Man – Boney M
    Quando Quando Quando – Michael Buble
    Rockin’ Robin – Michael Jackson
    Sad Sweet Dreamer – Sweet Sensation
    Tom Hark – The Piranhas (also known as ‘We All Love Leeds’ in these parts, despite our current, wretched situation)
    Up With The Cock – Judge Dread
    Venus – Bananarama
    (The) Whole Of The Moon – Waterboys
    X, Y & Zee – Pop Will Eat Itself
    You Won’t Find Another Fool Like Me – New Seekers
    Zabadak – Dave, Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mike & Tich

    Great news about the Kate Bush residency at Hammersmith, by the way. Will David be making an appearance, I (wishfully) wonder?

    I’ll take a punt at trying to score some tickets, but I’m not holding my breath, the demand is sure to be colossal.

    1. What a list that is, Ken. Some shockers in there. Anything by Boney M would fit.

      I have to confess that ‘Zabadak’ is one of my guilty (drunken) pleasures. I wouldn’t want to wake up to it, though.

  14. I don’t think anything could top this – 40-plus years and most of the album still ‘freaks’ me out. :))

    1. Pavlov,

      Thank you so much for sharing that. I didn’t realize how incomplete my life had been, what with never having the pleasure of hearing it before and all ….

    1. Ken, I’ve got a party for you!

      Have a Nice Day – Stereophonics or Bon Jovi, your choice 🙂
      Another (day older and deeper in debt) Brick in The Wall – Pink Floyd
      Perfect Day – Lou Reed
      Pass The Wine (Sophia Loren?) – The Rolling Stones
      You See Red ? – Wishbone Ash
      You Can Dance – Bryan Ferry
      You’ll Always Find Me In The Kitchen At Parties – Jona Lewie
      Bartender – Dave Mathews Band
      Back In Time – Huey Lewis and The News
      Beautiful Day – U2
      Is There Anybody Out There? – Pink Floyd
      Raise Your Glass – Pink
      Rave On – Buddy Holly
      Rammstein – Rammstein (Gatecrashers)
      Tequila Sunrise – The Eagles
      Have A Cigar – Pink Floyd
      Dance To The Music – Sly and the Family Stone
      Dancing In The Street – David Bowie and Mick Jagger
      A Great Day For Freedom – Pink Floyd
      A Saucerful of Secrets – Pink Floyd
      A New Machine – Pink Floyd
      ANOTHER BRICK IN THE WALL – Pink Floyd
      A Policeman’s Lot is Not A Happy One – Gilbert & Sullivan
      You And The Night And The Music – Frank Sinatra
      You Better Pray – The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (??????!!!!!)
      You Better You Bet – The Who (??????)
      You Don’t Know Me – Ray Charles
      You’ll Never Walk Alone – Gerry and The Pacemakers
      Xanadu – Olivia Neutron Bomb (He He He)
      Xanadu – Rush
      X Offender – Blondie

      ash 🙂

    2. Thanks FEd. A Kate Bush ticket will be gratefully accepted as a birthday pressie (I wish).

      1. Sorry, Ken. I wonder who had luck getting tickets this morning. Or do they go on sale tomorrow?

    3. I see I have some competition now.

      No way Ken, you are definitely the master. 🙂

  15. Re Use of ‘baby’ in pop songs

    For fun, who can identify the song (not bad at all to wake up to) from its opening lines?:

    ‘In the sad town, cold iron hands
    Clap the party of clowns outside
    Rain falls in grey far away
    Please, please, ………….’

  16. All my radios have a hatchet buried in them.

    I just can’t stand any of the DJ’s in the morning. I think they must all be on triple doses of magic mushrooms or LSD or whatever the popular psychedelic drug is today.

    ash

  17. I’ve just switched to a Radio Station that’s directed at over 50s. I’m finding myself listening to music that my parents would have listened to and enjoying it. I suppose I’m getting old.

    I woke up this morning thinking about 1994. This was a re-memorable year for me.

    Nelson Mandela was elected as the first Black President of South Africa. Ayrton Senna was killed in a Formula 1 Race, I’ll never forget that night. The World Cup was held in the USA, and it was the last time I watched a penalty shootout. It was the year I had my work truck stolen, I lost all my tools and job in one night. It was the year of the last Pink Floyd studio album and the last Pink Floyd studio song. This was a great LP. Yes, 1994 was a rememorable year. It’s hard to believe that it was twenty years ago. It reminds me of a line from The DSOTM.

    Have a good one FEd and Co.
    snow.

    1. Every year is getting shorter, never seem to find the time.

      Great line and so true, always makes me think of Richard Wright.

      FEd, I just got the email, great news. I wasn’t sure if you guys were going to release a 20th anniversary r a 25th. I just paid for the per-order and although I have many copies of this LP from all over the world, this will be the first time that I buy one and the money will be going to the right people. It’s about time that someone placed some heat on those who have been coping this LP for years (the Italians and Germans). No boring morning songs on this LP and it was great to hear Richard singing again. Fingers crossed the Blu-ray is not region coded. Thanks guys and gals.

      snow.

  18. Well to top it all, I actually had first refusal for Kate Bush, went on sale at 9.30 am but I couldn’t get there in time because I was working. Been waiting years and I messed up.

    A few songs or artists to wake up to – not.

    Katie Perry – Eye of the Tiger (was that not Foreigner?)

    Adele. Suicide songs.

    Jessie J. Arggh, asprin please.

    Westlife

    Boyzone

    Atomic Kitten

    Sugarbabes

    Anyone who calls themselves a band but don’t play a single instrument.

    Justin “little twerp” Bieber

    Kylie Minogue

    Lady bloody Gaga

    Any British artist who sings with an American accent I find really off putting. Why?

    Right, had me little rant. I could go on. We’re off to look at a house tomorrow. It has Hadrian’s wall running through the garden, unreal.

    Kind regards
    Damian

  19. Living in the Deep South of the US, I have to put up with Freebird by Lynryd Skynyrd or however the hell they spell it. If I never hear that damn song again, I shall die happy!

  20. This new song by Cherub called Doses and Mimosas has me riled. I will warn all of you now, I have tried with all my might to try and avoid it, to no avail! Stay away! It may be the worst ever.

  21. Mornings are a time when things can be more irritating than other times of the day.

    I find by having at least four pre-programmed radio stations is helpful. That way when my favorite radio station (they play the most David Gilmour/Pink Floyd) plays something annoying I just push a button and hop to a station that is playing a song I like. Works pretty good till it is top of the hour when commercials are being run.

    Hope your mornings smooth out FEd. Sets the mood for the day so it is nice to have a good one. May each of your mornings bring the best to your ears.

  22. I use my phone as alarm-clock and wake up to “Brain Damage” or “Any Colour You Like” and the mood of the day is set!

    Never listen to commercial radio anymore – too much crap ordered by SONY “Music” – the gravy train!

  23. I don’t listen to the radio in the morning. What I do listen to is Chris Morris’s On the Hour, the BBC Radio 4 satire of (morning?) news. Really gets me going. And then when I need something to pick me up in the afternoon, Chris Morris’s Music Show. Then late in the evening in my mellow period, Chris Morris’s Blue Jam. I’m telling you, that’s all you need. 😉

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