Smile Month

Did you know that, somewhere, June is National Smile Month?

Hoping that everyone reading this can find something to smile about today, I’d like your jokes (clean ones, naturally), links to cartoons and comedy sketches, and happy songs, but I’d especially like you all to include a lyric with the word ‘smile’.

What makes you smile?

This is one of my favourite tracks, by the inspirational Nat King Cole.

And here are two cats on a treadmill, just asking to be laughed at.

Author: FEd

Features Editor of David Gilmour's official blog, The Blog ('Features' previously being its rather naff title), affectionately - or lazily - shortened to 'FEd'.

91 thoughts on “Smile Month”

  1. What makes me smile… The dawn chorus.

    Absolutely love being woken in the morning by birds busying themselves.

    They had me up at 4am last week. Incredible sound.

  2. First, a song with “smile” in it. This one is by a Norwegian group called BigBang, ‘Smiling For’.

    As I broke up with my girlfriend this weekend, I’ve been trying to find things to cheer me up. One of them was watching both two seasons of ‘The Big Bang Theory’, which is almost as funny as Seinfeld, another was watching this yesterday.

    Have a nice day, and remember that tomorrow is World Hugging Day!

    1. :)) Love this one:

      “Witnesses at the scene of the Ronaldo crash say he was only lightly tapped by a car from behind, when all of the sudden the car flipped over and rolled ten times. It then span around on the spot for two minutes, then all the wheels fell off and it caught fire.”

      We’ll miss his routine theatrics, won’t we?

      Er, no.

  3. Thanks Fed, a great topic…

    Things that make me smile are my wife and kids, daily. 😀

    Day Of The Dreamer
    Renaissance

    Falling around me lay, parts of my life
    I’m leaving them all behind
    We leave with the night
    Living in strange ways
    Has cast me aside
    I cry in another world now
    I must search for all my days gone by

    Dreamer lead me ever closer
    Here is where I belong
    Inside my own existence
    I have been for so long

    Voices that call to me, lay silent to hide
    Soon I will hold them close
    With words from my eyes
    Living in hope of you
    Loving you now
    You are my waking thoughts
    I lay with you in my sleeping hours

    Dreamer lead me ever closer
    Here is where I belong
    Inside my own existence
    I have been for so long

    I stand and gaze upon your smile
    A deep reflection
    Held in my soul as a child
    To grow within the warmth of love
    Long forgotten
    Tears flood your eyes in a moment
    Dreamer, I become as one within you
    To lose you far away

    I stay inside your heaven now
    No longer lonely
    Once more I’m safe in your arms
    To feel your touch
    Across my mind
    Fills me only full of desire for my being
    Dreamer, really all that needs a meaning
    To feel us sail away…

    Monty Python’s Philosophers’ World Cup Soccer (There are two parts so stay with it!)

    Monty Python’s Confuse-A-Cat

    1. Don’t forget Eric Idle’s cheery ditty, ‘Always Look On the Bright Side of Life’. Here’s a version that you might not have seen before, commemorating Prince Charles’ 60th birthday last year.

    2. FE’D:

      Love that one by Idle. Monty Python bunch were hysterical.

      Also, loved the dead parrot bit with Cleese.

      Jan

    3. …and not forgetting that most marvellous of images from the medical love song:

      Inflammation of the foreskin
      Reminds me of your smile 8)
      I’ve had balanital chancroids
      For quite a little while
      I gave my heart to NSU [Non-Specific Urethritis]
      That lovely night in June
      I ache for you, my darling,
      And I hope you’ll get well soon

      My penile warts, your herpes,
      My syphilitic sore,
      Your monilial infection
      How I miss you more and more
      Your dobies itch my scrum-pox
      Ah, lovely gonorrhea
      At least we both were lying
      When we said that we were clear

      Our syphilitic kisses
      Sealed the secret of our tryst
      You gave me scrotal pustules
      With a quick flick of your wrist
      Your trichovaginitis
      Sent shivers down my spine
      I got snail tracks in my anus
      When your spirochetes met mine

      Gonococcal urethritis
      Streptococcal balanitis
      Meningomyelitis
      Diplococcal catholitis
      Epidydimitis
      Interstitial keratitis
      Syphilitic coronitis
      And anterior ureitis.

      My clapped-out genitalia
      Is not so bad for me
      As the complete and utter failure
      Every time I try to pee
      My doctor says my buboes
      Are the worst he’s ever seen
      My scrotum’s painted orange
      And my balls are turning green

      My heart is very tender
      Though my parts are awful raw
      You might have been infected
      But you never were a bore
      I’m dying from your love, my love
      I’m your spirochetal clown
      I’ve left my body to science
      But I’m afraid they’ve turned it down.

    4. Good lord, tim_c, I have never seen that one.

      FE’d: too right. Frankly putting me off dinner for a bit now. :v

      Jan

  4. There is an REM song called “At Your Most Beautiful”:

    “I’ve found a way to make you
    I found a way
    A way to make you smile.

    I read bad poetry into your machine…
    You always say your name, like I wouldn’t know it’s you
    At your most beautiful.”

  5. This is mine and my daughter’s song, for very obvious and extremely smiley reasons…

    Love ya Dilly!

  6. Man goes to the doctor’s with a hearing problem.

    Doc says, “Can you describe the symptoms?”

    Man says, “Well, Homer’s a fat yellow guy and Marge has blue hair…”

    :v

  7. Thanks for the topic and video FEd, you’ve reminded me to see what’s been added to fail blog recently.

    Did you hear about the blind man who was swinging his guide dog above his head by its tail in a supermarket? A shop assistant asked him what he was doing. The man replied, “It’s OK, he’s just having a look around.” 😀

    Here’s my video, the smile is at 1.35.

    1. Oh dear. :))

      AJ, that reminded me of a clip from yesteryear: those silly Scouts trying to eat their packed lunches on a roller coaster.

  8. Dear F.Ed.,

    it’s good to be here again. Very funny and nice, your cats!

    How much to say about the human smile! As an Italian, I love Leonardo and I often think about the Mona Lisa’s smile (in Italian Monna, that is Madonna, an ancient way to call the Ladies). First she is smiling. Then the smile fades. A moment later the smile returns only to disappear again. Really the great painter captured the mystery of the best human expression and a great truth: every smile includes many feelings indeed.

    I smile everyday realizing I do what I love for a living, waking up next to someone I love, when I feel a real sense of accomplishment on the job, for a great landscape of the nature, especially the wide sea, great music, for a friendly gesture from a stranger…

    I like this:

    What’s the use of worrying?
    It never was worth while,
    So, pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag,
    And smile, smile, smile.

    [George Asaf (1880-1951), British songwriter]

    Keep well, ciao to all/bye
    Elisabetta

  9. … what a video! My son and I laughed a lot, thanks for that FEd!

    The darker cat’s walking with half on the treadmill was crazy!

    You probably have seen this, but it is my all time favourite of cat videos.

    Best regards
    Taki

  10. That made me smile, FEd.

    I couldn’t help but think of Bev’s felines. Bev, are these some of yours? 😀

  11. A man goes to see the Doctor for a check-up…

    The nurse carries out a series of tests and stands back and says, “Sir, you will have to stop masturbating!”

    The guy asks, “Why?”

    “Because I’m trying to take your blood pressure and your arm’s moving!” 8|

  12. (In my best George Harrison) “We’ve forgotten Billy Preston!”

    David’s… Smile

    Would this do
    To make it all right
    While sleep has taken you
    Where I’m out of sight

    I’ll make my getaway
    Time on my own
    Search for a better way
    To find my way home
    To your smile

    Wasting days and days
    On this fight
    Always down and up
    Half the night

    Hopeless to reminisce
    Through the dark hours
    We’ll only sacrifice
    What time will allow us
    You’re sighing… sighing

    All alone
    Though you’re right here
    Now it’s time to go
    From your sad stare

    Make my getaway
    Time on my own
    Needing a better way
    To find my way home
    To your smile

  13. Smile month… I like that.

    Sorry to have been AWOL for so long, but on June 1st (after 10 months) we have finally sold our house – yes, I’m still smiling about that one. It took 4 different buyers after the first few couldn’t get a mortgage… Anyway…

    Now we can finally begin to look for new digs that will house the entire clan… I am ready to do my part in “stimulating the economy.” 8)

    From my favorite deadpan comedian, Steven Wright:

    When I was born, I wish my first word could have been “quote”. That way, on my death bed, I could say “unquote.”

    1. That is two of the cats here (Blackie and Tiger). Suzie is good and sleeps in the window ledge. But the other two love to walk over me in the morning to tell me they are hungry! :))

    2. Taki, I sent your link to a friend of mine, who has a cat who does exactly the same every night at 3 o’clock, since some months.

      Fortunately, he didn’t find a stick, yet. :))

  14. The one thing that always makes me smile is when I encounter anything to do with Pink Floyd or its former members when I absolutely least expect it. Like last night. I’m watching one of the best documentaries I’ve ever seen on Antarctica, by Werner Herzog,”Encounters at the End of the World.” It’s full of strange, haunting, evocative, funny info about Antarctica and the brilliant (and sometimes eccentric) people who work there. And there’s this brilliant woman scientist who is discussing the seals and the strange sounds they make underwater and the ice under her feet, and suddenly while discussing it all she says, “it sounds like Pink Floyd.” (I sat there thinking, “Did she really say that?”)

    Who would think that the people at the bottom of the world are listening to Pink Floyd?

    This is followed by a scene where three scientists lie down on their bellies on the ice – in full eskimo suits, and press their ears to the ice and listen to the sub-iceberg sounds and you hear it, and it is the strangest, most beautiful, melodious, most fantastic sound and IT DOES SOUND JUST LIKE PINK FLOYD – and the picture of the scientist lying on the ice listening looks like a cover of an album STORM would shoot! It’s too FLOYDIAN for words!!!

    Gilmour and Storm MUST watch the scene from this movie! They will laugh out loud! The spirit of PINK FLOYD at the south pole! Wonderful!

  15. I make a lot of my mates smile by repeating the words ‘Happy Days’ endlessly. A nice pint of Bow and Black makes me smile too. Happy Days. Speaking of which….

    All the best,
    Simon J

  16. Funny what makes people laugh isn’t it?

    I am sure this will raise a smile. Bit rude but there you go.

    The answer to global warming maybe?

    Think it’s a great topic Fed. ‘Bout time we had a laugh.

  17. Taki,

    That cartoon about the cat waking up the guy was so funny because I truly get it. I have 4 indoor cats who make it a mission to wake me up every morning with all kinds of antics. Saturday one of them sat on my head so I had to wake up right then.

    This is a funny cat video.

    Patricia 😀

  18. You know you’ll want to sing along.

    Put on a Happy Face (Bye, Bye Birdie Soundtrack)

    Gray skies are gonna clear up,
    Put on a happy face;
    Brush off the clouds and cheer up,
    Put on a happy face.
    Take off the gloomy mask of tragedy,
    It’s not your style;
    You’ll look so good that you’ll be glad
    Ya’ decide to smile!
    Pick out a pleasant outlook,
    Stick out that noble chin;
    Wipe off that “full of doubt” look,
    Slap on a happy grin!
    And spread sunshine all over the place,
    Just put on a happy face!
    Put on a happy face
    Put on a happy face
    And if you’re feeling cross and bitterish
    Don’t sit and whine
    Think of banana split and licorice
    And you’ll feel fine
    I knew a girl so glooming
    She’d never laugh or sing
    She wouldn’t listen to me
    Now she’s a mean old thing
    So spread sunshine all over the place
    Just put on a happy face
    So, put on a happy face

    Thanks.

    Andrew

  19. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

    Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

    A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. ‘But why?’ they asked, as they moved off. Because, he said, ‘I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!’

    😀

  20. There is this one titled ‘Tale of Two Brains’ that always makes me laugh. My husband sent it to me ages ago.

    If you care to check it out I think you will get a chuckle out of it.

    Really enjoyed the cats as I had two. Cats are very entertaining. Very nice topic for the day.

    Jan

  21. What do you prefer, ‘Smile’ by our beloved guitar hero, or ‘Smile’ by your beloved Lily Allen? 😛

    Me, I’ve chosen Make Me Smile by Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel. A happy and very fresh song, I think.

    A joke? I like this one:

    Man to God: “Why did you make women so beautiful?”
    God to man: “So that you will love them.”
    Man to God: “But why did you make them so dumb?”
    God to man: “So that they will love you.”

    And stop laughing at cats, please, because rock bands can be more ridiculous than cats on a treadmill. See here. :))

    Michèle

    1. Michèle, you little scamp, I just knew that someone would mention it…

      That Lily Allen song makes me do many things, but smiling isn’t one of them. Leave the room, yes. Quickly switch channels, certainly. Throwing the closest thing at hand in the radio’s general direction has so often had its appeal.

      Unfortunately I wasn’t able to view your second link, but surely the funniest thing to introduce to a treadmill has to be a cat, no? I like to think it fair punishment for all the innocent birds it’s likely to have tortured and killed for kicks. 😉

    2. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to view your second link

      Flûte alors, FEd, it’s a joke? You’re mocking me, aren’t you?

      When I click ‘here‘ on my comment above, I can watch the video… 😕

    3. When I click it, I see: “This video is not available in your country due to copyright restrictions.”

      But, thanks to the chatroom, I have now seen the Treadmill Dance in its glorious entirety – thank you for the alternative link.

      That must have taken ages to perfect.

  22. Hi FEd,

    This will have you smiling ‘buckets’ of tears.

    I had to smile to myself at the weekend. I did ‘The Great Yorkshire Bike Ride’, a 70 mile charity bike from Wetherby to Filey (in my Division Bell cycling top, of course), as I happened to spot another cyclist wearing the same top. I never got the chance to speak to him though, as he was much too fast to catch, for an old git like me.

    As for a lyric with ‘smile’, I’ll offer up Pink’s Song:

    Quiet, smiling friend of mine
    Thrown into our lives
    You gave everything you could
    Saw through our disguise
    I had to stay I could not leave
    Give me time so I can breathe
    Give me time to be at ease
    Patiently, you watched us play
    Parts you’d seen before
    Even then, we sometimes asked
    What you keep us for
    Caught between the tangled web
    You helped set us free
    Sadly, then, you lost yourself
    So you had to leave
    And I must go, be on my way

  23. Rodney Dangerfield:

    “I was so ugly that when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother!”

    “I tried to tell my kids about the birds and the bees, they then told me about my wife and the butcher!”

    “I tell ya, I get no respect. My father told me to get something from the store. When I got back, they moved!”

    :))

  24. 🙂

    Uh, I’m outta luck… wrote a rather long post the other day, on the British mining industry in the 80s, EU’s climate targets etc. and forgot to write name/email = words disappeared when I pressed “OK”.

    Now I wanna share some good video clips from my funny-archives… and can’t publish them here. 😡

    (But it’s probably me, am IT-idiot. Any easy way to do it?)

    Song that can change a sad mood: We Have All The Time In The World/Louis Armstrong.

    1. Please just paste the URL to anything you’d like us to see and I’ll do the rest.

      Louis Armstrong makes me smile in general; that huge smile of his is contagious.

      How about ‘What a Wonderful World’ for the perfect if not feel-good, then feel-better lyric?

  25. Hi all!

    Well, my surname is Sorridente (Smiling in English)… so what makes me smile??

    ciao!
    emi

  26. Me, I’ve chosen Make Me Smile by Steve Harley & Cockney Rebel. A happy and very fresh song, I think.

    Michèle, you beat me to it. This is a happy song.

  27. Blonde takes car to garage to be repaired.

    Mechanic says, “Nothing serious love, just shit in the air filter.”

    “Great”, replies the blonde. “How often?” 😛

    1. Good 1 Lorraine!

      A blonde calls Los Angeles airport and asks for information and says,”How long is a flight from L.A. to San Francisco?”

      The teller responds, “Just a second.”

      The blonde says “Thank You” and hangs up. 8|

    2. Blonde: “I was born in California.”

      X: “Which part?”

      Blonde: “All of me.”

    3. 😮 That’s fightin’ talk!

      Three pregnant women were sitting waiting for ultrasound scans; one was a brunette, the second a red-head, the third a blonde.

      The first, the brunette, said, “I know that I am going to have a little boy because when we conceived I was on top and I heard that means a little boy.”

      The second, the red-head, added, “In that case, I am going to have a little girl because when we conceived I was on the bottom.”

      The third, the blonde, suddenly burst into tears and cried, “That must mean I am going to have puppies!”

  28. Marvellous video.

    A lyric some of the younger members of the audience might know… Well, it is festival season…

    Save some face, you know you’ve only got one
    Change your ways while you’re young
    Boy, one day you’ll be a man
    Oh girl, he’ll help you understand
    Smile like you mean it
    Smile like you mean it

    Looking back at sunsets on the Eastside
    We lost track of the time
    Dreams aren’t what they used to be
    Some things sat by so carelessly

    Smile like you mean it
    Smile like you mean it

    And someone is calling my name
    From the back of the restaurant
    And someone is playing a game
    In the house that I grew up in
    And someone will drive her around
    Down the same streets that I did
    On the same streets that I did

    Smile like you mean it
    Smile like you mean it
    Smile like you mean it
    Smile like you mean it

    Oh no, oh no no no
    Oh no, oh no no no

  29. Love this band.

    I was there watching this live and beamed all the way through. I haven’t a clue what’s going on, but a good friend told me it’s Japan’s answer to Pink Floyd.

    Make your own mind up about the Floyd thing. The only thing for certain is, “it’s as mad as a bag of Ferrets”.

    Love the topic haven’t laughed so much for ages.

    Keep them Ears up folks.

  30. … what also make smile are limericks!

    Take a look at this for examples, but my all time favourite is a naughty one:

    Ethnologists up with the Sioux
    Wired home for two punts, one canoe.
    The answer next day
    Said, “Girls on the way,
    But what the hell’s a ‘panoe’?”

    Regards
    Taki

  31. I was thinking there has to be a Beatles lyric with ‘smile’… I’m not such a fan of “Dear Prudence” but I do like this one:

    Something in the way she moves
    Attracts me like no other lover
    Something in the way she woos me
    I don’t want to leave her now
    You know I believe and how

    Somewhere in her smile she knows 8)
    That I don’t need no other lover
    Something in her style that shows me
    I don’t want to leave her now
    You know I believe and how

    You’re asking me will my love grow
    I don’t know, I don’t know
    You stick around and it may show
    I don’t know, I don’t know

    Something in the way she knows
    And all I have to do is think of her
    Something in the things she shows me
    I don’t want to leave her now
    You know I believe and how

    By the way, if you ever need a guaranteed smile, take the hands of someone you love, look into their eyes and jump up and down together. Works every time. Particularly in swimming pools or in turquoise seas.

  32. I’m back from the Depeche Mode concert in Rome. It was hot, we waited some hours under the sun, we were pushed and pulled in every direction, but it was a good show, even for someone like me who’s not a big fan of the band.

    I especially enjoyed the kung-fu dance of a guy in the audience. Not as crazy as the ones we’ve seen in David’s DVD, but crazy enough to make me smile a lot. 😀

    It would have been perfect for this post, I’m so sorry I can’t share it with you.

    About the lyrics, I’m still thinking.

  33. Monica walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, “I’ve got another dress for you to clean.”

    Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, “Come again?”

    “No,” says Monica. “Mustard.”

    Ba dum tish… 😕

  34. Finally got the chance to view this from home (there’s a filter on my computer at work, and I couldn’t see the YouTube cat video there). Those cats are PRECIOUS!! I especially liked that grey cat, hind legs on the floor and front legs on the treadmill.

    Today is Paul McCartney’s birthday (according to the newspaper today). Happy birthday Paul!

    Joke (squeaky clean):

    This guy walks into a psychiatrist’s office: “Doctor, doctor, ya gotta halp me! I keep feeling like a dog!”

    The doctor says, “How long have you been feeling that way?” The guy replies, “Ever since I was a puppy!”

    And, in the “Not a joke, but an oddity from real life” category, last year I visited Provincetown, the town on the tip of Cape Cod made famous by its unusual residents. There were a man and a woman holding hands. The woman was wearing a shirt that said, “She who must be obeyed.” The man was wearing a matching shirt that said, “He who must obey.”

    On the same day, about a block away, was a woman walking a small white dog that had been dyed pink. It was an eye-catcher.

    1. Yes, you did. 😀

      “The Stonk” was a charity single released in 1991. Brian May (Queen) was the producer.

      David featured in the song along with Brian May himself, Roger Taylor (Queen), Tony Iommi (Black Sabbath) and Cozy Powell.

      Here is some more information, if you’re interested.

  35. I was thinking about song lyrics and I remember Charlie Chaplin’s Modern Times. There was a theme in the soundtrack, written by Chaplin himself, and it was called “Smile”. I love it. 🙂

    I know there are also the words, written by someone else.

    The song has been performed by many artists, Eric Clapton is also one of them. Here is his version.

  36. 😀

    Hi David,

    I have a song I can send you that is a smile from within after I meditated outside in the early morning sun, a few months ago. For your ears only.

    Thanks for your gorgeous work.

    K

  37. This story is very sad but the smile this little girl had is great. It is a real shame but isn’t it also wonderful that her final wish was fulfilled?

    Thanks.

    Andrew

  38. love it.

    will have to stick my cat on treadmill. he barely moves. have to check him to make sure he’s not dead… even when awake he looks asleep.

  39. 😛 priceless cats!! i love the way they work harder when the going gets tough :))

    my shelties make me smile every day.

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