Best Put-Down

putdown_blog.JPG

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: CHAT DELAYED (14/12/06)

Please note that Thursday’s chat now starts at 3PM (UK time), not 2PM. Apologies for any inconvenience caused by this delay.


Due to popular demand and no doubt causing much personal embarrassment (thank you), today’s award is for Best FEd Put-Down: in short, your favourite retort in response to something I found irritating, be it witty, sarcastic or just down-right rude.

As with the other awards, the nominations for this one will be handled the same way.

Please submit your nominations here (no more than three per person, please) and those which happen to be repeated the most often – to my great shame – will be put into a shortlist where you can vote on your most favourite of them all. You’ll be able to do that tomorrow when the nominations have been counted.

I have also awarded myself the Wash Your Mouth Out award, bestowed upon the person revealed to have the most foul mouth over the course of the year. There was no real competition, so I thank you all for allowing me an easy coast to victory.

Voting for our Shameless Self-Promotion award is now open over on the Stuff & Nonsense page.

Rudders was the victor in our last poll, coming out on top with his ‘Concert for Ugly People’ to scoop our Best Caption award. Congratulations to you. Let us know where we should send your prize.

The same goes to Angelo for being equally prolific with his captions throughout the past year. You both share our Most Prolific Caption-Writer award. Well done, both, and thanks for the laughs.

Don’t forget to vote every day in the Weblog Awards. We’re still in second place, in spite of your best efforts…

Author: FEd

Features Editor of David Gilmour's official blog, The Blog ('Features' previously being its rather naff title), affectionately - or lazily - shortened to 'FEd'.

125 thoughts on “Best Put-Down”

  1. I think the putdown with most venom was the Ruddergate/erinblockedavich case . In bad form you were that day . But hey you forgave and forgot so alls well in the world.

    Rgds Geoff Duffy ( Dublin )

  2. FEd, I liked your long retort to someone who was raving about the old Waters/Gilmour dispute in Pink Floyd, I can’t remember what it was exactly, but I’ve never seen such a long and articulate reply from you, it was really impressive.

    Basically you were saying this guy was useless, which is true.

  3. The Mega Platinum award (yippee…highly deserved by HE the DG by the way ) for knee jerk ‘cut their gizzards out’ responses

    Fed ( and the majority of the good DG folk !!) retorts number 1 : le grande twatty type person who vilified Polly S. WOW !!! did they get it big time……And may i say RICHLY DESEREVED.

    Fed outburst No2 The ‘wash your mouth out’ pal from SewerCityLand who SAID that HE the DGs album WAS A DIRGE !!!!

    This was an unfair response as the poor lad was obviously a lover of seriously manufactured ‘poo poo music’….SO we should forgive him….???
    300.000 copies and counting ‘mate’

    NO 3.That damn charity who ‘danced upon Syd’s grave’ for their own gain….Unacceptable…’pointy stick into the nether regions called for’

    TOO MANY FUNNY and COMPASSIONATE comments by your good self to mention….cheers mate we all love you !!!

    ps the Platinum Mouthwash is in the post !!!!

    martin d

  4. [For your information, we did take pre-orders. We’ve been taking them since Friday 17 November. You should have thought of looking at either our homepage (where, up until yesterday when we added a new news item, details of the pre-order would have been the main thing you’d see since Friday 17 November), or the blog (where the pre-order has been the main topic of discussion since Friday 17 November), or even the calendar (where it says, on Friday 17 November, that we’re taking pre-orders). If you’d been in the chatroom on Friday 17 November, you’d have been told that the pre-order had just started. What more do you want? David to come to your house with a cumbus and tell you through the medium of song? If you’d read properly, you wouldn’t have missed out. You might even have noticed that there’s a competition for North American fans to win one on this very blog next week. You’ve had to scroll past dozens of similar competition entries in order to be able to submit this ridiculous, quite laughable message. I’d be just as mad as you are, but with my optician, not David. After that ignorant, spoilt-brat outburst, please don’t bother entering this competition – or even posting again. I could always do with one less donkey wasting my time. – Features Editor]

    Also wins the longest put down award…Has to be the muppet on 30th November Mad Jedi for me.

  5. I voted for DG in the weblog awards today. What an interesting group — DG must win this one!

    THRILLED to see David nominated for a grammy. May be a stupid question, but has Pink Floyd ever won a grammy, or any of the band members for their solo work?

    Tara

    [Pink Floyd won one for ‘Marooned’ in 1995. – Features Editor]

  6. My nominations for the Best Fed ‘Put-Down’ Award go to:-

    Bleeding Heart Artist – April 6, 06.28 PM.
    Floydianleaf – August 18, 12:37 PM.
    Christian Bobocea – August 22, 11.02 AM.

    Absolutely classic, all of them.

  7. Here’s a good one refering to Radiohead…

    April 27, 2006 04:56 PM

    [I can’t decide what would be the best thing to bite on, a pin cushion or a stick of dynamite? – Features Editor]

  8. There are more, but I’ll behave and just send in three fine Fed-replies.

    Mes félicitations pour the remarkable Mr. Rudders (who has had a pointy stick, good enough to be nominated as well, but I chose not to do that on a joyful day like this), and of course to Angelo as well.

    [Although I should probably just delete your post because I feel it’s unfair, spiteful and incredibly ignorant (never mind the convenient “democratic reasons” that some of you profess to care about whenever you want free reign to be mean), I know I would get much greater pleasure from highlighting you as the bitter, Floyd-obsessed sourpuss you clearly are. There wouldn’t have been a studio album (‘The Division Bell’) in 1994, followed by a world tour, a live double album, a live triple LP, a live video or a live DVD (‘P.U.L.S.E’) if not for Polly. Many of the people writing here wouldn’t be fans of either Pink Floyd or David Gilmour today if not for Polly. With respect, I don’t see that Richard or Nick have brought very much to the Floyd table over the past 20 years and what they have brought is hardly enough to make “one or two Pink Floyd albums”. Dream on, pal. That’s said not to be smug, but it’s fact. Another fact is that Polly is a writer and writers do tend to write. Another is that both David and Polly are artists, so however they wish to create their art is entirely their business. However, the one fact that you really need to digest is that Pink Floyd is not a priority in David’s life right now, so please just accept it and stop looking for someone to blame just because you’re not getting endless nostalgia tours in big stadiums with lots of inflatable animals and pretty lasers. That’s pathetic. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: Tiago Freitas at September 15, 2006 04:50 PM

    [Bless you. I’d rather play the coconut, but a job’s a job. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: Emilio at June 28, 2006 09:40 PM

    [Well, I’m not married. Which would you prefer, a female FEd or a gay male FEd? Of course, I could be a perfectly straight male who is disinterested in loose women. We can’t all be tarts, after all. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: JOE LAUDERMAN at April 19, 2006 04:36 PM

  9. PUT DOWNS BY FED

    Can anyone tell Me if Richard Wright is working on a new album ?

    [I’m afraid I can’t. The last time I looked, this was David’s site. – Features Editor]

    [Hi Graham. This new page has everything to do with David, in fact. Obviously it’s David’s site, so he says what goes on it. Any additions to this page, therefore, will be there because David and Polly think they should be. – Features Editor]

    THAT ME SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES THEN!!

  10. Witnessing the following short conversation completely made my day:

    Hi…

    [Hello. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: Marco at September 13, 2006 08:36 PM

    Actually, I had a poster made from the screenshot of this.

    But Fed has had the wind in his face too on numerous occasions. What about following post:

    [look man, if you’re going to run a blog on current news regarding David Gilmour, you better be prepared to receive a lot of strange requests. Every day I come to this blog and I read a new comment from the “blogmaster” complaining about all the dedicated fans, and how they all want a chance to experience DG’s music in one way or another. Just live with it! Maybe respond with standard replies to ticket, performance, Pulse, or equipment related questions, and stop bitching to the rest of us. We know holy Dave is “giving so much” – actually, Gilmour has done what in the past ten years? Two PF albums in twenty years, and two solo albums in twenty-five? Of course people want him to play everywhere! I mean playing a couple shows in two American cities is supposed to satisfy his legion of fans? Of course you’re going to get crazy requests. Just deal with it like a professional instead of whining. – Posted by: C Davis at January 19, 2006 03:01 PM]

    And Fed replies courageously:

    [Oh, and to C Davis who called me a whiner: Fair point, mate. – Posted by: Features Editor at January 19, 2006 07:40 PM]

  11. I might need a rules clarification, FEd. Will there be a separate category for Best FEd Comeback? A witty comeback is not always a put-down…or is it?

    I think your best put-down was undoubtedly the first comment on March 26 at 7:14 p.m.

    “Can anyone tell Me if Richard Wright is working on a new album?”

    [I’m afraid I can’t. The last time I looked, this was David’s site. – Features Editor]

    However, there’s a wonderful comeback to Rudders also on that day, if one scrolls down to a comment dated March 29, 4:38 p.m.

    [I think this is about as much as I can handle so close to Christmas, Lynn. – Features Editor]

  12. Fed,

    would it be possible for Polly & David to choose their most amusing post of the year, excluding any of Guys!! (they will be biased & you’re too funny) no prize awarded, it would be nice to know thats all.

    [They’re always welcome to post, of course, but we have discussed whether their doing so would be a good thing or a bad thing. Whilst no decision was made, the argument against them posting was a strong one. – Features Editor]

  13. ” Please show me just one half-decent artist who hasn’t used his life experience and emotion in his art and I’ll stop thinking of you as a stroppy tosser.”

    This is a classic FEd response to some moron who was accusing David of profiting fom Syd before and after his death.

    Posted on July 17, 2006.

  14. Happy Wednesday,

    Well, where do we start with this one. And, not being a habitual rule breaker, I will in this instance push the limits.

    I have found 5 Fedism’s that made me chuckle/sigh.

    First up – the sighs

    [I’m looking forward to the World Cup, but I won’t be cheering on England. – Features Editor]

    [Yes indeed. Up the Hammers on Sunday. – Features Editor]

    Next – the chuckle

    [The national teams are made up of the best players, Nisha… Supposedly! It doesn’t matter that Beckham plays his domestic football in Spain. He’s English, so he plays for England. You do have players, like Owen Hargreaves, who play for the English national team even though they’re not English. He was born in Canada and (I think) has an English mother and a Welsh father. In these situations, you can choose who you play for as long as that country wants you. – Features Editor]

    Finally – the bellylaughs

    [This blog proves that, Rob. There are tossers everywhere. – Features Editor]

    [And I think you’re taking the p*ss, to be honest. – Features Editor]

    There have been many superb put downs but I do prefer the one’s that are short and to the point.

    Pete – Coventry

  15. My Fellow Bloggers…

    Thank you for this Christmas present. I’ve enjoyed coming up with the captions and will continue to do so…Angelo and Geoff set the bar so high!

    I found a caption earlier which I think was funny and wasn’t mentioned previously… June 30, 2006 World Cafe… again. With the following caption:

    “Richard was flummoxed by the fact that David had taken to wearing Leather Chaps on stage without anything else on besides his t’shirt…”

    Anyway… before I do a “Gwyneth Paltrow” acceptance speech I’ll go… 🙂

  16. oh my, there are so many. i need to post one now and the rest when i’ve decided.

    so my first nomination (this came in response to the latest guess as to fed’s identity):

    [oh, it’s good, but it’s not right. and no, i’m not roy walker from catchphrase.. – features editor]

    march 30th @ 12:46am (we’re back, 29 march)

  17. Best put down for me was that character from Montreal, forgot his name. Not important. You know who I mean anyway. Everyone jumped on him like fleas to a dog.

    [His name began with a ‘C’ and, although there was a ‘U’ in there somewhere, there was no ‘N’ or ‘T’. Still, we all know who you mean. – Features Editor]

  18. I was going with this one, but I see Graham liked it too. I also loved the very long one in response to the guy (?) complaining about pre-orders. Your put-downs are short and to the point..and are funny (as long as I’m not on the receiving end.)

    PUT DOWNS BY FED

    “Can anyone tell Me if Richard Wright is working on a new album?”

    [I’m afraid I can’t. The last time I looked, this was David’s site. – Features Editor]

    Hi to all DG fans!

    Love,
    Elizabeth

  19. this one has to be included. it’s a brilliant response to somone who was complaining that her very long posts had been edited.

    [what i find both bothersome and confusing is how you continue to waste my time with these extremely impatient and wholly unreasonable posts, linda. did you not notice that no new posts had been published since friday evening? the last post published on friday was timed at 5:45pm (uk time). forgive me for only working six days a week and for taking the saturday off. your comment is published above – all 747 words/3998 characters of it (minus the unsuitable bit at the end, that is). – features editor]

    linda penner was going on a bit. september 17th @ 5:40pm (polly, 17 september)

    take no prisoners, fed. these are cracking me up!!!

  20. Is this one too fresh to nominate?…

    [His name began with a ‘C’ and, although there was a ‘U’ in there somewhere, there was no ‘N’ or ‘T’. Still, we all know who you mean. – Features Editor]

    You kill me FEd…

  21. too irregular to notice all the good ones you come out with. sorry about that

    but going through the thread has been hilarious

    andy

  22. Nothing to do with this thread but a seasonal joke I thought I would pass on, especially as David has a passing interest in flying!!

    Father Christmas, like all other owners of flying machines was getting ready for his annual inspection by the FAA (Federal Aviation Administration) whose turn it was this year to do the checks.

    The inspector arrived and found the Sleigh had a currant C of A (Certificate of Airworthiness), Rudolphs red nose was working correctly and the maintenance logs were all up to date.

    “You start doing your pre-flight checks. I must just get something from the car before we do a check ride” said the inspector to Father Christmas. He came back carrying a 12 bore shot gun and swung himself up onto the sleigh.

    “What on earth do you want that for?” asked Father Christmas.

    “I’m not really supposed to tell you this” said the inspector conspiratorily “but you are going to have engine failure on take off”!!

    Merry Christmas every one.

  23. “Blog House Rules” day was a particularly prolific day for the Features Editor…

    I like this sequence of events:

    …the smackdown of a blog antagonist..

    “This Feature Ed thinks himself is something. Unfortunately he is just a poor bloke hired by David. I just don’t like people respecting him like David, this bloke is nothing but a IT technican.”

    Posted by: Stephen Cheng at April 24, 2006 08:37 PM

    [I think I’m something? Get lost, pal. I think people like you spoil what could be a good thing, hence the need for patronising rules and close moderation. If you don’t like it, f*ck off. I say that, of course, with respect. – Features Editor]

    …while commiserating with blogging defender, FEd may have made a backhanded remark regarding American Imperialism…

    “He is something and he’s (I’m assuming you’re a he, apologies if not!) put a lot of effort into keeping this blog going when a lot of us might have thrown our computers out the window and got a one way ticket to Mars. These rules are both understandable and necessary in my opinion. Unfortunately sometimes there is a need to be a little blunt to get the point across. Good luck f.ed”

    Posted by: UKveronica at April 24, 2006 09:21 PM

    [Thanks, Veronica. One reason why I’m tired of all the speculation as to my identity is because this site is about David and David only. If I thought I was “something”, surely I’d be relishing it? I just want to do the job I’m paid – and privileged – to do. I did try booking a ticket to Mars last week, but I’m going to wait until the Americans colonise space first. It would get lonely otherwise. – Features Editor]

    …and finally, counters with a backhanded compliment to Americans as an example of well rounded diplomacy…

    [Thanks, Josh. It just goes to show that there are noisy, rude people everywhere. It certainly isn’t unique to America, as some would have you believe. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: Josh at April 24, 2006 09:28 PM

  24. Thanks for the Recognition! Rudders gets all the credit, he inspired my impulse to caption because his were so good!

    Here’s my three nominations for “Best Fed Put-down” (very tough, there are so many):

    1) “It’s much better to look real than to look like so many of the vain, perma-tanned, attention-seekers who are very clearly in love with themselves… Some of these people spend more time worrying about their image than their music!” – February 19, 2006 11:25 PM

    2) “Some of the people who claim to be experts on Pink Floyd and David Gilmour are very sad indeed. They think they know it all, but in fact, they know nothing.” – February 20, 2006 01:12 AM

    3)”…These idiots are out for all they can get and all too easily forget what they’ve already been given…” – April 5, 2006 04:22 AM

    But there’s so many more great and eternally classic ones I can’t seem to find?…

    Here are some that are not put downs, but just plain funny out of context….

    “…I felt like a pervert the moment I published that remark…” – September 30, 2006 10:49 PM

    “…We’re an evil lot…” – July 29, 2006 08:42 PM

    “…I think some ladies need to control their hormonal urges better, myself.” – April 5, 2006 02:55 AM

    “…David is such a poor lyricist, isn’t he?” – September 30, 2006 06:39 PM

    LOL! Now I’m getting you in trouble with David AND Deborah!!

    Look out…..

  25. this is an obervation, not a nomination.

    [i’ve moved onto ‘hell’s kitchen usa’ for my late-night evil fix. i never tire of hearing gordon ramsey yell “you f*cking donkey!” at some dumbfounded wannabe. it’s hilarious after a few drinks (but then, isn’t everything?). – features editor] (your fifth favourite photo, 30 september)

    fed, you and gordon ramsey would get on so well.

  26. [My Fellow Bloggers… Thank you for this Christmas present. I’ve enjoyed coming up with the captions and will continue to do so…Angelo and Geoff set the bar so high! – Posted by: Rudders – Toronto at December 13, 2006 04:01 PM]

    We deserved in my opinion

    Rgds Geoff Duffy ( Dublin )

  27. Michael in Joisey….

    One of those are going to get my vote!

    I’m gonna carry those with me today while for inspiration….

  28. [I think the putdown with most venom was the Ruddergate/erinblockedavich case. – Duffy]

    And you didn’t even see the worst of that, Geoff.

    Some of my favorites are:

    [Well, I’m certainly glad I bought my DVD because I know FEd would have never picked me to win. “Oops, it’s that squeaky wheel Deborah – we’ll just put her name over here in the garbage can.” – Deborah]

    [Most of your posts belong there, I have to say. – Features Editor]

    Just brutal, and to an Irregular, no doubt.

    [Well, I’m sure you won’t mind finding somewhere else to have your fun from now on. Debate is fine, but you’re just taking the piss… and have been since your first post. – Features Editor] to Blake

    and lastly, I’d have to agree with Rudders about July 17th.

    There are soooo many others, it’s hard to pick.

    The greatest thing about Fed’s “Put-downs”, is 9 times out of 10 he is saying exactly what I’m thinking, but puts it in such an eloquent and “stick it to ’em” way.

    ~Erin

    I saw a great bumper sticker this morning: “Find what you love, and love what you find”

  29. Hello everybody,

    This isn’t a post according to the rules. It’s just a request that David, Rick, and the crew NOT work with this rapper from Chicago who has come out saying that he wants to collaborate with Pink Floyd on his next album.

    Who does this guy think he is? I hope the Floyd is having a nice chuckle over this one. I think I’ll put out a press release tomorrow saying that I want to collaborate with Pink Floyd on my next book of quaint inspirational sayings. That should get me some cheap publicity.

    Ah, the world. You have to love it.

  30. [in other countries, the attitude towards music seems to be different than it is in the USA. OAI is simply too emotional (genuine emotion) and peaceful to go platinum here. – Dan]

    Dan, you hit the nail right on the head! I apologizes to descent musicians everywhere on behalf of Americans that DO know good music.

    Congrats, David, on reaching Platinum in the UK. So sorry the US let you down. Blame it on Bush, everything is his fault anyway =)

    ~Erin

  31. if there’s going to be an award for sarcasm, you’ll win it with this one fed. never mind the one about richard’s album and this being david’s site, how about this?

    “just wanted to know what does the feauture hold for Gilmour& Co?”

    [if there are any fortune-tellers reading, please send details of your visions to… – features editor]

    september 1st @ 11:05am (the blue, 31 august)

  32. [Michael in Joisey…. One of those are going to get my vote! I’m gonna carry those with me today while for inspiration…. – Angelo Ortiz]

    Yo, keep it down over there! You rude, obnoxious American imperialist….

  33. Hey! First of all, I’ve never realised that you start speaking to us just in february…why have you snubbed us so long? This is the first bad thing you have done this year!

    Then…I have found your most vulgar and impolite put down you have written…maybe also too much! For this reason better I don’t post it again! Look here: [Features Editor, August 22, 2006 11:02 AM]

    This one was simply fantastic!!! I laughed so much!

    “Hi…”

    [Hello. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: Marco at September 13, 2006 08:36 PM

    And I found this one…which is one of the very few times I sent you to the hell! Sorry!

    [The terrible Fed eats worms and pushes old people off moving buses, too… – Features Editor, July 27, 2006 09:06 PM]

    And then…too much kind, nice and amusing posts from you to all be added!

    L!

  34. Ooooohhhhh, help me out, mates….where was that rather recent one when Fed yet again replied to some poster’s idealistic agenda expecting David to save the world through his music???

    I’m still digging for it; it was actually one of Fed’s lengthier-than-usual retorts…..and certainly a worthy one…….still searching it out….

    Thanks much!

    And, Fed and friends of Adriano–

    Great newsflash from brother Adri: the stone has passed into bladder; surgery is now not needed!! Yay! BUT he must now concentrate on drowning himself with bottled water, (and my personal recommendation of organic unsweetened carrot juice. ;^> ).

    He wonders if our jokes helped him to nearly expel the thing, and now looks forward to the next chat. In addition, he thinks I am a man! ha! Too cute. (See, Mr. Fed, you’re not alone in gender misinterpretation! This is only the umpteenth time for me, too….).

    Right then, on to rooting out Fed’s put-downs….ta!

    –LG
    xoxo

    [Please pass on our very best wishes to Adriano. – Features Editor]

  35. get well soon, adriano!!! 🙂

    “where are the pictures from the chicago shows? i can’t seem to find them.”

    [give us a chance to develop the bloody photos first! they’ll be here soon enough. – features editor]

    april 15th @ 7:36pm (gibson amphitheatre, 14 april)

    [Now that was rude. There was no need for that. I apologise unreservedly to whoever I said that to. – Features Editor]

  36. [Dan, you hit the nail right on the head! I apologizes to descent musicians everywhere on behalf of Americans that DO know good music. – Erin]

    Erin, you should apologize to descending musicians everywhere. It may be due to those tasteful American listeners who are no longer buying their records. ;>)

  37. Congrats on David’s OAI platinum shiny status. Well done indeed.

    Everyone, please have a happy and safe set of holidays, regardless of which you prefer to celebrate.

  38. [Give us a chance to develop the bloody photos first! They’ll be here soon enough.]

    Terry,

    I offer you my most sincere apologies for the above. It was uncalled for.

    But if anyone else thinks they’re getting an apology, they can whistle for it.

  39. “‘I was a true fan, until I was betrayed and mislead, I was lead to believe that I was buying concert tickets for pink floyd, I took my daughter told her how great you were and guess what it wasn’t you they sounded like you played your music like you, I even bought $100 dollars worth of t-shirts labled wish you were here, and the dark side of the moon. No one told us that it wasn’t the real pink floyd, a lot of pink floyd fans left that concert really upset, so now I wonder if the pink floyd music they play is them or aussie pink floyd. So if anyone deserves the T-shirt it would be my daughter.'”

    [No, what your daughter really needs is a more observant parent… – Features Editor]

    Posted by: Zardana at November 12, 2006 05:23 AM

    Remember that one??? Ooooooo….Get back, honky cat!

    …..I remember myself reading that…..boots shook and knees knocked that day, Fed!

    –LG
    xo

    [They’re getting worse, aren’t they? There’s a lot of truth in that one, though. – Features Editor]

  40. [In which case, I am delighted to try and stop the incessant itching that’s going on around Rudders’ brain – and has been terrorising mine this past half hour – by making a simple change to the offending blog entry. Do you see it, mate? We can both sleep easy now. My favourite rule is the one to explain when you put a full stop at the end of an abbreviation and when you don’t. Basically, if the last letter of the abbreviation is the last letter of the full word, then you don’t put a full stop. So if you write “Dr.” or “Mr.” or “St.” for “Doctor“, “Mister” or “Street“, then you’re wrong. Why didn‘t my English teacher tell me that? I felt quite betrayed finding out all these years later. She taught me the correct plural of “roof”, to be fair, but how many of us get that one wrong every single day? Oh dear, the itching is now worse than it was before… – Features Editor]

    Posted by: Angela at March 31, 2006 05:20 PM

    Well it’s not so much a put down, but it is a great response going back to the “roofs/rooves” debate days. I must admit, I didn’t quite understand all our Fed said, but I liked the attention to detail.

    Right-said Fed… hey isn’t that the name of a rock band?

    Tim

  41. [Everyone, please have a happy and safe set of holidays, regardless of which you prefer to celebrate. – Phoenix]

    The very same to you ‘Nix. As for me, I’ll be embracing that Free Market Economic holiday we know as Christmas….off to the shopping mall….I’ll get me coat.

  42. [They’re getting worse, aren’t they? There’s a lot of truth in that one, though. – Features Editor]

    Yes, only too truthful…probably why I was shaking in my boots. I remember wondering at the time from which galaxy this individual was hailing. (???)….. a bit bewildering.

    …..as usual, your retort was eloquently bang on.

    Cheers
    –LG
    xoxo

    PS–Am replying to Adriano today, once I witness more blog responses from others today….so as to relay some of their ‘vibes of love’ to him (thanks Victor, btw).

  43. ok, i’ve spent too long on this, so will call it a night after this. i’m supposed to be doing tea.

    [what more do you want? david to come to your house with a cumbus and tell you through the medium of song?]

    [i’d be just as mad as you are, but with my optician, not david.]

    [i could always do with one less donkey wasting my time.]

    that was the funniest put-down ever and three in one reply.

    november 30th @ 4:40am (missed out on a dvd?, 29 november)

  44. sorry fed. my final three are:

    1. [i’m happy to publish your post because it makes you look like a c*nt. don’t bother posting again. – features editor] august 22nd @ 11:02am (favourite solo lyric, 21 august)

    2. [what more do you want? david to come to your house with a cumbus and tell you through the medium of song?] november 30th @ 4:40am (missed out on a dvd?, 29 november)

    and in response to “by the way, a 25 cent guitar pick is not a lot to ask for. there were a lot of disappointed people surrounding me as well.”

    3. [i don’t want whining brats posting here, wasting my time. now do me a favour and f*ck off. – features editor] april 20th @ 2:06am (night 17/18: san francisco, 17 april)

    if i could suggest one more, it would be the “i could always do with one less donkey” one.

    i hope we haven’t embarrassed you too much, fed!

  45. Hi Fed,

    my special DVD arrived today from England, and what a great Christmas present that is. It´s been worth waiting for it. I´d like to thank you for making it possible to order it via your website, and for the superb job you are doing to keep us fans posted.

    Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all
    Ulli

    [I’m glad you didn’t have to wait any longer for it, Ulli. Have a great Christmas. – Features Editor]

  46. Hi FEd,

    I never got around to posting anything for the last ‘award’ — couldn’t bring myself to actually ponder the nasty wankers (I’m starting to find myself using Brit-speak!), much less award them anything. So Guy got my vote in jest ’cause he’s such a good sport!

    As far as your ‘put-downs’ or ‘comebacks’, jeez, where to start FEd? So many clever and sarcastic comments, so little time! Without re-reading the entire blawg (my husband would have a cow!) the put-downs that stand out in my memory are the ones that contain the very descriptive terms “stroppy tossers”, “dickhead — muppet”, “donkey” and then, of course, the MadJedi rant — very effective!!

    Sometime you should compile all of the various rants, yours and others, and publish them (with illustrations, of course!) as an Irregulars’ Special Edition. I have a feeling it would be a best seller!

    Adriano, hopefully these reminiscences will amuse and help take your mind off your kidney problems!

    Peace and love everyone!
    Gabrielle
    Washington State

  47. I am an occasional contributor, but a regular reader and so I have enjoyed the Features Editor’s retorts for a long time now.

    It is hard to pick out three, but I have done my best with the following:

    1. “I could always do with one less donkey wasting my time.” (30 November)
    2. “I know I would get much greater pleasure from highlighting you as the bitter, Floyd-obsessed sourpuss you clearly are.” (15 September)
    3. “For God’s sake, have and show some respect. We have lost the man who gave the world the band you claim to love so much. Is a concert of any importance?” (17 July)

    Features Editor, I know that we should all hope that people will pay more attention, behave more reasonably and therefore not give you the need to make more of these remarks in 2007, but I do find them extremely amusing. So I hope that we will see the odd one or two in the New Year.

    Best wishes to all,
    Luis

  48. Adriano…here’s to feeling better.

    This latest blog has to be one of the best ones. I haven’t laughed so hard at work since our “Spamalot” chat a while back (…there is no spam side of the moon, matter of fact, it’s all spam)

    I think “Stroppy tossers” has to be my favorite. I promise to incorporate it into my vernacular somehow. This boiled down Americanised English just doesn’t do it for me anymore.

  49. Fed was in such rare form on the Gdansk blog. Here’s a post I made that day:

    A Collection of Great Dance Songs… or Fed’s quotes of the day…

    1. [It could be. Then again, it could be fiction. I think it’s probably more like bullshit. – Features Editor]
    2. [THNQ 4 THE GR8 IDEAS. – Features Editor]
    3. [Unless you’re on Roger’s site, of course – in which case, Roger is far better. – Features Editor]
    4. [Michael, it was the kind of bone you’d still frantically chase if it was thrown towards the end of a very short pier. Welcome back. – Features Editor]
    5. [I’ll have to get my thesaurus out and choose a few alternatives to ‘amazing’ and ‘wonderful’ first, Matt. – Features Editor]
    6. [Dream on, Craig. Sorry. – Features Editor]

  50. All the put downs that were posted are great. I’ll vote for any of them. But my fave has to be the Linda Penner thingy. She was very wordy in the begining and very whiny. She did stop posting right? LOL oh well. Hope everyone is having a great week. Still trying to shake off this stupid cold.

    Adriano, please get well soon.

    Renee B.
    Fontana, Ca USA

  51. Fed…

    On this entertaining subject of put downs and retorts are you able to find a particular blog entry quite easily?

    I replied to some tw*t’s inane comment acrostically telling them to **ck *ff or something similar. If you can do a quick search would you be a dear? If not just tell me to **** *** 🙂

    [I can’t seem to place it, I’m afraid, but I did find the following over-looked caption: “DG wasn’t impressed with Guy’s attempts to fart the intro to ‘Shine On’ instead of using the wine glasses…” (Classic 21, 7 September). That deserved a nomination. – Features Editor]

  52. I just received my DVD from across the pond yesterday. Its Awesome!

    Thank you Fed, and Happy Holidays to all from Cory in Central Illinois!!

    Cory

  53. This has to be on the voting list!

    “This Feature Ed thinks himself is something. Unfortunately he is just a poor bloke hired by David. I just don’t like people respecting him like David, this bloke is nothing but a IT technican.”

    [I think I’m something? Get lost, pal. I think people like you spoil what could be a good thing, hence the need for patronising rules and close moderation. If you don’t like it, f*ck off. I say that, of course, with respect. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: Stephen Cheng at April 24, 2006 08:37 PM

    Classic 🙂

  54. Ha! Eureka, Fed!

    “‘I would love David to play Stormont, Northern Ireland in October. The political process in Northern Ireland is going backwards again and talks between the squabling parties is scheduled for October. We must keep moving forward and if an event could be organised for conflict resolution in Northern Ireland and the Middle East etc then I think that there may still be hope for the world.'”

    [David’s hard at work trying to single-handedly combat world poverty at the moment. Finding cures for all known diseases is also keeping him busy, so condemning sectarian violence and international terrorism is perhaps asking a bit much at this time. I’m sure he’ll add it to the long list of problems he’s expected to fix with his voice and guitar, though. Watch this space. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: ********** at September 3, 2006 02:34 AM

    –LG
    xoxo

  55. Adriano, here’s wishing you well mate!

    Perhaps you and a few other chaps on your hospital ward can form a band. You can call yourselves the Passing Stones. Then you can dress in belly shirts and tight leather pants and prance around like 20 year old studs waiting for your rocks to drop…

  56. [i’m happy to publish your post because it makes you look like a c*nt. don’t bother posting again. – features editor] august 22nd @ 11:02am (favourite solo lyric, 21 august)

    Melissa

  57. My irregular friends:

    What can I say to you? Thank you very much! Really, you made me feel much better with all your kindness and support! I have explained to most of all, but for those whom I didn´t , here´s the situation:

    3 stones – 2 are steady, won´t mess with them now. 1 got to the bladder and if this blog keeps making me laugh as it has kept, will be expelled really soon.

    2 cysts that will be treated to avoid infections.

    Once the bladder stone is expelled, the pain will go away. But it´s really better now.

    Thanks for all the good thoughts and caring!

    LG, wow, I´m really sorry. But you really confused me on this. Because you have posted your e-mail with a male name on it…I kept wondering if you were male or female and was sure you were a female until I got your message…Really, really sorry about that. If I offended you, my sincere apologies…BUT…the friendship still keep on growing, I wish…

    Now, I´ll take some time to look for some of FEd´s most devastating put-downs. There are some really good ones above though…

    Thank you all. You are the best.

    [Get well soon, mate. – Features Editor]

  58. [LG, wow, I´m really sorry. But you really confused me on this. Because you have posted your e-mail with a male name on it…I kept wondering if you were male or female and was sure you were a female until I got your message…Really, really sorry about that. If I offended you, my sincere apologies…BUT…the friendship still keep on growing, I wish…]

    haha! Not at all offended, brother. And you know what? I must have been having a blonde moment, as I did not even think the addy I chose to use would display a male’s name…..please, do not feel bad; my fault.

    Thank you for informing us with updated details, mate; our prayers will now be even more specified –(and that’s a good thing).

    God bless you, and may His Healing Grace continue speedily, Adri….xoxoxo

    –LG

  59. Silly me, but…what the heck does “Stroppy tossers” mean? I´ve taken all dictionaries I have but not a clue…

    [If someone is “stroppy”, it means they behave like a pouting child who can’t get his or her way all the time. The other word is just rude and I’m sorry for using it. In my defence, the word was originally used to describe someone who drinks too much (who tosses too many drinks back), but I meant it in a more sordid way, I have to confess. – Features Editor]

  60. [i’m happy to publish your post because it makes you look like a c*nt. don’t bother posting again. – features editor] august 22nd @ 11:02am (favourite solo lyric, 21 august)

    lmao! Did you really say that? That gets my vote!

  61. [But if anyone else thinks they’re getting an apology, they can whistle for it.]

    Is that a dig, FEd? Ha, ha.

    I have got a few other descriptive words in connection to put downs by the FEd.

    Bites
    Hands
    Feeds

    😀
    ;-))
    :-))))))))))))))))))))))))

  62. Well you all out there have my deepest admiration: How in hell are most of you able to remember the right quotations from all those thousands and thousands of posts made during the last year – let alone the fact that you are mostly also able to even find the correct date for the respective entry? Do you all have a photographic memory or some hidden search-machine for this site?

    Anyway – I remember a very nicely worded putdown by Fed to someone where he told said person, that he (or she?) would whine like a little girl whose toys had been taken away – but can’t rememer where it was – so much for my ever growing amnesia!

  63. Michael in Jersey, you said “Perhaps you and a few other chaps on your hospital ward can form a band. You can call yourselves the Passing Stones. Then you can dress in belly shirts and tight leather pants and prance around like 20 year old studs waiting for your rocks to drop…”

    Man I about fell out of my chair laughing at that one! No offense to the poor guy with the stones- heard they are painful. But this post cracked me up!

    Tim

  64. Hey Adriano!

    I missed you in the chat yesterday. I heard you got stoned and missed it. lol

    I am so proud of you. You got 1 stone down to the bladder and 2 to go.

    They say that’s the hardest part. Don’t quote me on that. Keep taking the pain killers and reading the blog, we’ll all help you get through this mate. Don’t forget to keep drinking. Water that is.

    But now that I think about it, don’t they say that beer flushes the kidneys? Better ask the Doc about that one.

    It was good to hear from you today.

    For Jersey Mike,

    You are welcome for the laughs. It was my pleasure. And thank you for the laughs as well:)

  65. I´ve found this:

    Posted by: Mike Bull at April 19, 2006 10:51 PM

    ‘And lo the light did shine down from the heavens, under which our Lord Gilmour could even play a frying pan’

    [I think he’s doing a George Foreman there, myself. Never mind a new album and more shows, creating and demonstrating giant saucepans with very long handles is the future (he’s about to take the lid off and show you the most perfect sweetcorn you’ve ever seen). Wait, hold on. Someone will get their knickers in a twist over that remark. Stand back and wait for: “But he’s a guitarist! He should play the guitar! I don’t want him to sell saucepans. He’s a guitarist and he should stick to playing the guitar!” Some people, eh? – Features Editor]

  66. It´s fun to look over FEd´s nasty put-downs, but then you find things like this:

    “Hi FED, my brother and I attended the Manchester Bridgewater Hall concert but did not receive the CD/Case for the Smile single!! Would it be possible to post me 2 for my brother and I?”

    [I’ll see what I can do, Keith. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: Keith Jordan at May 30, 2006 09:24 PM

    This tells more about who you are than anything else FEd.

  67. Adriano, get well soon mate!

    Fed, there have been so many great put downs by your good self, my personal favourite was telling that person during that bad week during the american leg of the tour to F**k off and don`t bother posting again!

    There were some good ones aimed at ebay as well if I remember right.

    But I do agree your profanity (how`s that one Rudders?) is certainly worse than mine, but most of the time deserved in my opinion!

    Cheers All.
    Adrian.

  68. [If you don’t like it, f*ck off. I say that, of course, with respect. – Features Editor]

    This one is pretty damn funny. I don’t know how you can respectfully tell someone to fu*k themselves, but, our dear Fed found a way.

    Watching the Live DVD again. Take a Breath, at RAH just gets better and better everytime I watch it. (Up to about 10 now.)

    Should’ve got a Grammy nod for it . .

    ~Erin

  69. Been some great put downs over the last year, but that angry guy going on about the DVD last week really did get both barrels.

    Merry Xmas everbody!!!

  70. Hi Adriano!

    Glad to listen the good news. Go on and come back in splendid form soon! I am sure you will find good jokes to help you here and in the chat!

    Have a nice day

    L!

  71. The following are 3 posts from a very persistent individual, and I feel that the Fed was very patient with this person.

    “My God, I can be there just in time….don’t worry….I have posted a few times before…. […] Good luck to everybody”

    [Sorry, not enough times. This is only your second post. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: — at August 22, 2006 11:14 AM

    “My God, I can be there just in time….don’t worry. I will be there…. Hey. I tried just 30 minutes ago….I saw David in hamburg and in Royal Al. Hall and I live in Denmark. I look at you great page everyday – don’t you really think I should have a chance. I was sad when you wrote that I only have written to you 1 time and then cant be in the competition…..Please. I feel I have done everything to be the biggest Gilmour fan in the world….11. march in Hamburg and the 30 may in RAH.”

    [I’m sorry, those are the rules. Many people write everyday and have done since Day One. Each time there’s a competition, people who have never posted before enter. These people have won and never posted since. This is why we prefer to repay those who have made the blog successful by making it easier for them to win. I’m really sorry to disappoint you, but the rules are carved in stone as far as I’m concerned and I’m not about to break them for anybody. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: — at August 22, 2006 12:12 PM

    “I will be there……wish me luck… Fed, I have to say to you its not fair to me. I have written to you some times and I cant remember if I ever have because of a competition. You must say that I have written to your page and give some stuff…?”

    [That’s just one post. Sorry, it’s not enough. That was your first post and, if you keep nagging, it will be your last. It’s not fair that you expect to win ahead of many others who have given a lot to this blog community since the very beginning. I’m sorry, the rules are final. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: — at August 22, 2006 12:38 PM

  72. Well, as this koo koo krazy day ends, I reflect on the past week of festive blog topics (and chats) thus far –certainly getting well Feducated, having traversed through these marathons of weekend chats and year-long blog reviews…..but I’m afraid to my detriment I’ve now developed a Fedish of the strangest sort???

    Oh, alright already, will one of you standing nearest the coat rack just toss me my coat, please? Just promise to withhold your pointy sticks!

    Had a great day thanks to you all! See you in the next chat, if possible……xoxo
    –LG

  73. Yesterday was my birthday…. even though I didn’t get any presents… Reading that On an Island got Platinum made my day!

    I just want to Congratulate David and thank him once again for giving us this wonderful music to listen to…

    And to Polly… thanks for your pictures, and for the words in the music (that I do sing by the way) and for keeping the MAN motivated…

    Well done, keep it up and Thanx!!!!

    [Happy Birthday for yesterday, Seb. – Features Editor]

  74. As most of Fed’s finest “putdown” moments have already been posted above,I thought I would travel way back to see If I could discover the 1st one.I may be wrong, but this is what I came up with from the Jan 9/05 blog edition..It’s not first handedly directed at poor Tom..but there’s a glint of a hint here of F.E.”s potential wrath that could follow if you dare to piss him off!.on any topic.

    [To Tom Quinn: No need to apologise, mate. Your messages were fine. 🙂 I hold up my hands and accept that my comment about David playing bass on many of the Floyd albums (which is a fact that some fans might not know, seeing as he was not credited as being the bassist) riled a few people, for which I apologise. No offence was intended. It’s just a pity that some people took that as a dig at Roger – which it most certainly was not – and snapped instead of responding in a more dignified and respectful manner (as some people managed to do perfectly well). It is David’s blog, after all. Why shouldn’t fans, especially new fans, know the full range of David’s capabilities? Anyway, it was those who jumped to the defence of Roger in a negative way who caused offence, not you, so no worries. 🙂 – Posted by: Features Editor at January 10, 2006 01:10 AM]

    Not directed at you F.E., or davidgilmour.com(I’m too afraid)..but are any of you fellow bloggers out there still waiting for their order from musictoday.com after about 3 weeks.I received notification that my order(DVD + merchandise) was shipped out Nov.22nd/06,and just today got my credit card statement showing the debit for it..but still no sign of it.Should I start to become worried?

    [That does seem like a long time to wait. If you have e-mail confirmation, then it has been sent, so my advice would be to contact your postal service and see if it’s gathering dust somewhere. It seems that this has been the case for several people. – Features Editor]

  75. Sorry..after quickly thinking about..I’m not afraid.. as you nobly have said many times F.E. that you are offering your shoulder to cry on regarding order issues..my sincere apology.

    [It’s not acceptable having to wait this long, I know. – Features Editor]

  76. There are so many good FEd comebacks… Here are a few:

    This was in response to all those asking: “Why is David wearing his wedding ring on the right hand?????” UGH.

    [The clones will be available on the merchandise page soon, complete with a choice of wedding ring on the right, or left, hand. – Features Editor.]

    (The ‘Blog House’ Rules, 24 April)

    This one just made me laugh:

    “I think the FEd is actually Osama bin Laden, needing a bit of quick cash to help fund the next stage of world domination, and enjoying a day job that keeps him out of the public eye.”

    [But can the US army find me? – Features Editor]

    (We’re back!, 29 March)

    And of course, there’s the reply to Christian Bobocea’s post on August 22, 11.02 AM
    Say what you will about FEd’s choice of words on this one, I laughed my socks off.

    (Favourite solo lyric, 21 August)

    There are too many to choose! In addition to these, I second all of EchoesBob’s nominations.

  77. to all that posted about fed saying that i was ‘taking a piss’ was their favorite, you must have only gone back a month. the best was the one about ‘david playing in northern ireland’…now that is humor.

    and erin, not to ‘take the piss’, b/c i have no problem with your 1st post which partly was to do with fed getting on me, but your 2nd is so ridiculous that i couldnt let that go. i’m sorry fed but that is ridiculous. ‘bush is to blame for everything…’

    i don’t care what ur beliefs are but they don’t belong here. my response to comments like that got me in trouble last time but i don’t care… america isn’t sensitive enough? i love england and europe and i consider them all friends…they don’t like us! i am so sick of that attitude.

    good luck with hilary and oprah and pelosi…good luck! (and bush caused that hurricane…right?)

  78. now that was ‘taking the piss’ for real.

    i do love all of you by the way! i just hate that stuff more than anything and i feel sorry for anyone with that attitude since they have to live in this god forsaken land…please!

  79. Features Editor @Davidgilmour.com Nursery School

    Commited To Order and Helpen People Reed Good

    *[Sorry, but there have to be rules and the rules are very clear. – Features Editor]

    *[Too excited, it seems, to read the rules. – Features Editor]

    *[Look at all the bold, underlined text at the top of the page. Rules are rules – these are very simple ones at that – and you’re trying to bend them. The answer’s ‘no’, sorry. – Features Editor]

    *[I’m sorry, but those are the rules and they are very clearly set out at the top of this page. Please read them carefully. – Features Editor]

    *[You haven’t read the rules… – Features Editor]

    *[Of course you’re in the running, Mike. Unlike half the people above you who cannot read… – Features Editor]

    *[You only just found about it because you‘re not a regular reader, never mind a regular contributor! And your friend has also entered. Funny, that. – Features Editor]

    *[It would be good if everyone could start putting their comments in the right place from now on – for the sake of orderliness and the people who don’t read everyday. – Features Editor]]

    *[Isn’t that your third entry? – Features Editor]

    *[If I delay publication of someone’s post by a few hours, I get a second post asking why I didn’t post the first and sometimes a third and a fourth… – Features Editor]]

    Reading these, ‘Fed put downs’, makes Fed seem like a real ‘U no Wot’.

    But, since I’ve been going back, reading over the posts that caused the put downs, I’m reminded of the fact, that there is a whole bunch of, ‘U no Wots’, out there sending in this stuff.

    NOW I HOPE YOU CAN SEE WHY WE SUCK UP TO THE FED

    [I should be a school teacher, shouldn’t I? – Features Editor]

  80. Re: my last post.

    Every come back on that page, is from April 16 Blog Entry, except this last one….

    *[Would it be wrong to suggest the pointy stick? Maybe a casual threat of divorce would do the trick. – Features Editor]

    (November 17, 2006 11:09 AM)

    Melissa

  81. [In which case, I am delighted to try and stop the incessant itching that’s going on around Rudders’ brain – and has been terrorising mine this past half hour – by making a simple change to the offending blog entry. Do you see it, mate? We can both sleep easy now. My favourite rule is the one to explain when you put a full stop at the end of an abbreviation and when you don’t. Basically, if the last letter of the abbreviation is the last letter of the full word, then you don’t put a full stop. So if you write “Dr.” or “Mr.” or “St.” for “Doctor“, “Mister” or “Street“, then you’re wrong. Why didn‘t my English teacher tell me that? I felt quite betrayed finding out all these years later. She taught me the correct plural of “roof”, to be fair, but how many of us get that one wrong every single day? Oh dear, the itching is now worse than it was before… – Features Editor]

    Posted by: Angela at March 31, 2006 05:20 PM

    [Well it’s not so much a put down, but it is a great response going back to the “roofs/rooves” debate days. I must admit, I didn’t quite understand all our Fed said, but I liked the attention to detail. – Tim]

    And it’s still “rooves”…

    Adriano, get well soon… Kidney stones are no fun… I’m sure it will pass… He he he ha ha ha!!! ;^))

    The “feeling” for “today” is “Wish You Were Here!!!” Enjoy!!!

  82. I think it’s bizarre that so many people find all these insults worthy of such amusement (adulation???) and lengthy comment… Irritating, witty, sarcastic, down-right rude or other… Must be a sign of the “reality” TV times…

    That’s no to say that the put-downs didn’t serve their purpose when they were dispensed… I must admit to chuckling at a few of them, however…

    I don’t think you are feeding them enough, Fed. Could also be the water… He he he ha ha ha!!! Tally ho!!!

    [It could be a sign of the times. Then again, it could simply be because some of the people who have left messages are, quite clearly, somewhere between ‘smart-arse’ and ‘moron’. – Features Editor]

  83. Much congrats for David’s platinum status and his Grammy nod!!! Please tell me he’ll be there because i’m positive it goes to him!!!!!! Go on wich yo bad self Mr. Gilmour!! YES!!!!!!

  84. Lots of research going on here, wish I had more time.

    A lyric line from Bob Dylan to our fellow blogger. “Adriano must get Unstoned.”

    Cheers, hope you are well.

  85. Wow…quite a selecton of interesting comments on Best FEd put-down. I can’t stop reading them and it is 2:08 a.m. in Miami. Being a new comer to the Blog, FEd has been kind to me and responded to me where I needed to be answered. Thank you FEd.

    Congrats to David Gilmour for another outstanding achievement – “On An Island” went platinum for sales in the UK. If I recall, “On An Island” also went platinum in Germany and Canada?

    Don’t forget to vote?

  86. Happy anniversary Fed. If my calculations are right you started a year ago today. Is that right and how do you feel? Exhausted? What on earth do you put on your job description?

    Ian Pearson

    [Thank you, Ian. “Highly irritable, frequently bemused sucker for punishment. Will keep trying even when it all seems rather pointless. Conscientious, diligent French-learner with exceptional organisational skills. Doesn’t take tea breaks.” Doesn’t know the difference between a job description and a C.V. by the looks of it, either. – Features Editor]

  87. Hi F.Ed,

    Received my DVD shipment in India this morning with the nice addition and wanted to thank you for making this possible. It means a lot to me to know that David really does care about his fans wherever they are. This is one item I will treasure.

    Nisha

  88. fed: you really said this??

    [i don’t want whining brats posting here, wasting my time. now do me a favour and f*ck off. – features editor] april 20th @ 2:06am (night 17/18: san francisco, 17 april)]

    Just the other day, my friends and I were discussing how amazing the words F*O are… and Sir.. you couldn’t have made this any clearer 🙂

    This would be my pick of the lot! aaah! I am still giggling over it… “do me a favor and F*** Off” .. no matter how many times you say it…it just bloody rocks man!

    saad

  89. Hey Adriano,

    Prayers for your recovery to good health. Drinks lots of water 🙂 I can’t imagine how the pain must make you feel.

    I will make a special prayer for you tonite 🙂

    Cheers,
    Saad

  90. O.K OFF TOPIC but a seasonal joke my daughter told me.

    Two snowmen in a field. One says to the the other: “Can you smell carrots?”

  91. Happy Thursday,

    And who else has been laughing to themselves while thinking ‘oh yeah, I remember that one’ while reading these put downs.

    Fed, trying to find the one where you described the X-factor contestants but am struggling. That was very funny.

    By the way, are you still following it?

    Pete – Coventry

    [I’m ashamed to say that I’ve kept up-to-date on events. It’s no fun when the judges can’t tear rubbish singers to shreds, though. – Features Editor]

  92. On An Island is certified Platinum in the UK. CONGRATULATIONS!

    How many prizes/decorations David has already won for On an Island? Someone is taking count?

    L!

    [Not me, but it surely has to be more than what the members of other hugely-successful bands have achieved when they went solo. – Features Editor]

  93. Some “April Fools” FEd put downs…

    [Perhaps because David’s not hanging around in a gang, smacking your kids in the face with his tour programme as you take them to school? David’s not the one selling this merchandise. At the risk of letting the side down, I’d say that David probably doesn’t care all that much if there’s merchandise or not. It’s there because we’ve been told that fans want it. They are free to take it or leave it. It’s not being forced on you. Besides, you just admitted that the people trying to get autographs are doing it for the money! People are going to attack you now, mate. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: STEVE at April 5, 2006 12:24 PM

    [There you go. Happy now? I’m afraid you’re wrong about what gets posted and what doesn’t, but judging from your post, somehow it hardly surprises me that you could get things wrong from time to time. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: elana bines at April 6, 2006 06:26 PM

    [I’ve always been a fan of Roger Walters. That goal he scored against Auxerre in 1991 when we won 3-2 was wonderful. Sorry, that was Mark Walters. I’m terrible with names. Seems you are, too. – Features Editor]

    Posted by: jayson at April 7, 2006 12:34 AM

  94. Oh, FEd. There are SO many snappy retorts…you are the master. One stands out for zingy simplicity: the “observant parent” comment already mentioned by LG. I loved that one.

    Becky

    PS. Hang in there, Adriano! Hope you’re all well before you know it….

  95. [A lyric line from Bob Dylan to our fellow blogger. “Adriano must get Unstoned.”]

    Brilliant, Total Classic !!!!!!!!!

    Pete – Coventry

  96. well you clearly are the champion of put downs my friend (Fed) the list of quality remarks is endless

    well hope all is well with you and yours at this time do u think the proposed buy out of Liverpool is a good thing and what about the move from Anfield are u bothered or not, maybe u can put a bid in 4 the Shankly gates

    well Fed i just wanted to say on behalf of im sure lots of us Thankyou 4 all your efforts over the last year to keep this blog welcoming, Friendly, Honest and somewhere u want to come back to again and again. you have added to this year greatly its been a great Gilmour year and the experience has been all the better 4 your contribution

    so for the last time have a great holiday period enjoy your family and friends and get ready 4 the david gilmour 550 date arena concerts next year

    Cheers mate all the best

    [The same to you. I’m quite excited at the prospect of Rafa having more money to spend on players, just as long as the club doesn’t lose its Liverpool heart. I’d rather not leave Anfield, but I realise that more seats means more bums and more bums on seats means more money in the tills. I don’t like it, but that’s life. – Features Editor]

  97. 2 dyslexic firemen in a warehouse.

    one says to the other, “can you smell gas?” to which the other replies:

    “I can’t even smell my own name.”

    B4 the backlash, I’m dyslexic.

    Rgds Geoff Duffy ( Dublin )

  98. ADRIANO:

    Get well soon mate, don’t get “dragged down by the stone, stone, stone, stone” (repeat x20)

    Rgds Geoff Duffy ( Dublin )

  99. Attention:

    Why do I like these Fed put-downs?

    They are straight and to the point. They are measured and well thought out (usually). They speak to the heart of the matter not solely because of the verbiage used but because of the aim and precision of the user of that pointy stick.

    This is not sucking up.

    This is highlighting the difference between comments such as Feds and some I have read between each of you. Generalizations can be as dangerous as the ever sanctimonious “I feel sorry for…” soliloquies.

    I mean that respectfully; that’s not a parting shot.

  100. Happy Anniversary – FEd

    Enjoy the rest of your day…my day has just begun and it’s going to be a hectic one.

    Please don’t forget to vote, everyone!

  101. I almost forgot, shame on me, but getting platinum in the UK is a wonderful achievement! Especially when you think of this days of downloading and even more specially when you don´t have a massive marketing campaign behind you!

    Congratulations Mr. Gilmour! I think this is much more important that the Grammy nomination…

  102. Talking about Grammy nomination…hmmm…I don´t know if it´s such a good thing after all. I mean, man, they´ve misspelled the song´s name!
    What kind of jury or comitee does that???

    Picture this:

    Two kids are in the backlot of the academy, in a small room, filled with charts and records…

    – Hey man, we have a problem! There´s still one to go on this “Instrumental” category…What kind of music is that anyway?
    – Dunno, dude! Must be who plays the best instrument…
    – Oh, really? Not! Let me check this – opens a 1245 pages book which describes, in detail, each of the 108 categories:
    – ” Instrumental is a kind of music which does not have the lyrics on it. ”
    – No sh*t man! That really exists??? A song with no one singing? How can it be?
    – Dunno dude! But where can we find something to fit? How can one make a music without singing man!We´re on deep sh*t here…

    They start looking around the piles of CD´s, opening each booklet trying to find a song without lyrics…in vain. Until…

    – Hey, what´s that blue thingy right there, at that desk?
    – Oh,that? It´s a CD from that guy, that guitarrist from Led Zeppelin…I think is Roger Waters or sometin´…It´s my mom´s stuff. I picked up by mistake this morning…
    – Ahn…let´s check it man. Maybe there´s sometin´there we could use…hmmmm..”On An Island”…David Gilmour…David Gilmour…He used to play in that band my pop´s love…Pink Freud! I mean, Pink Floyd.
    – Yeah dude! “We don´t need no educatioooon…” Cool man! Let me see the booklet…Hey, WE FOUND IT! See, these two songs don´t have lyrics at all! They must be…instrumental! Which one I pick?…

    follows

  103. Congratulations to everyone involved in the web, from designers, Fed and users. Such a great year.

    By the way, my items have arrived today, or so my mum told by phone, as I will get there tomorrow.

    I will give you feedback about the things then!!

    Thanks for everything, and go for the 2nd year!

  104. following…

    – Dunno…hmmm…pick up the second one. There you go. What´s its name?
    – “Red Sky at Night”…
    – No sh*t man! We can´t use that! It´s from the russians, the communists…boss would kill us!
    – You right dude! How I didn´t notice it! You have the brains pal! C´mon…give the name of the first one and I´ll fill in the form…
    – Ok! It´s Cats…Castsel…Catssell…hey man, can´t read this…
    – Geez pal, just spell it! C´mon!
    – Alright…it´s c-a-t-s-e-l-l-o-r-i-z-o-n!
    – Thanks Dude! Now we can finish this and go home… Wait, no way! There´s still one category to go…Polka Record! Hmmmm…do you think we can use this also?
    – Well…we´ll have to listen to check if it´s polka…Play it…

    After listening a few seconds:

    – Hey it has to be polka man! It´s not like anything I know! Let´s nominate it for Best Polka Album!
    – Dunno…let me check the manual…hmmm…we can´t, see? It´s here…
    – “…Nominations for more than one category have a cost of a number followed by six zeros. The more the nominations, bigger is the number…”
    – Did he pay sometin´?
    – Nope!
    – Forget about it. Let´s go home! Justin´s concert is about to begin…

  105. Although it is lots of fun to scroll through old posts to find FEd’s wonderful put downs, you truly just need to look at yesterday for this classic.

    [You have got to be taking the piss… – Features Editor] posted December 13.

    FEd’s wit, humor and sarcasm is just perfect for this Blog. DG management did the right thing in putting this in his hands.

    Andrew

    [Lucky, aren’t they? (Any credit, or complaints, to David and Polly, thank you.) – FEd]

  106. I discovered who Santa Claus is. Our very own Fed. He’s been moonlighting.

    Dear Santa,

    I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?

    Love, Timmy

    Dear Timmy,

    That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but it doesn’t work with me. You’re getting a sweater again.

    Santa

  107. [I’m very sorry that you still haven’t received this, Carlos. I am waiting on confirmation of your order and will let you know as soon as I can confirm all the details. As you’ll have noticed, several people have received their DVDs today, so I do hope that yours will also be delivered this week. – Features Editor]

    FEd, I just recieved a phonecall from home, and guess what… the DVD has arrived!!!

    Thank you, now I must wait until I will arrive home. Can’t wait.

    Again thank you,
    Carlos

    P.S. I’m now listening to our David with my iPod.

    cw

    [I’m so glad to hear it, Carlos. Enjoy. – Features Editor]

  108. Deer Santa,

    I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I’v ben a gud boy all yeer.

    Yer Friend, Billy

    Dear Billy,

    Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

    Santa

  109. So nice and funny to look for Fed’s best comebacks! Quel extraordinaire esprit d’à propos vous avez, Fed ! çà s’appelle ‘répondre du tac au tac’!

    – [Moan away, mate…] super effective, really funny because of the contradiction between ‘moan away’ and ‘mate’.

    – [Forget Brazil, a full blown tour of the Celtic nations is what we want.] Hmm…

    – [THANQ 4 THE GR8 IDEAS.]

    – [You’re right, mate. Remind me of an old African proverb. Something about when two elephants fight, it’s the grass that comes off worse. Maybe we should stop fighting and start taking better care of the grass.] Great !

    – and my favourite one, but I don’t remember when I read it, about a little girl who cried because her socks got dirty by jumping into a puddle. Very, very funny !

    Not fogetting all the delicious and delicate words I learnt by reading Fed’s put downs : pillock, dickhead, greedy bastards, bullshit, bollocks, tw°t, muppet, nutcase, it’s all crap…

    Don’t worry, Fed, it’s a secret, I’ll never denounce you !

    Michèle

  110. Ciao a Tutti,

    I am back to wish my happy birthday to the site: I am Piergiorgio. Probably no one remembers anymore about me. In this fast paced world things change at a certain speed, new people come in, old people go. I just felt I was bored…and the blog had no much space for my idea of the blog (but this ain’t my blog).

    I think anyway that Fed followed a suggestion I gave him to kick out all those like me who wanted to make this place a sort of “square”. In exchange he gave a chatroom, which I cannot access for technical reasons.

    Well, I know no one cares. I remember the first time Fed kicked me in the teeth…it was when I was a bit “excited” for Italian victory in the world cup, I wrote something about how much Italians were mistreated and I asked not to be edited. It was one of the longest Fed replies at the time…and not the only one to me!!!! In future we had more of these. But I always said I like to say things in the face, and I don’t have problem to be told things in the face.. aaah, very funny moments….here it is.

    [With respect, I’ll edit whatever I like. You’ve insulted the French, the Germans and the English recently (not published), as well as accusing me of being racist (again, this was not published). I can take a joke – as can many of the people reading – but please, don’t be a hypocrite and don’t tell me what I can and cannot edit. I’m sorry that you feel Italy has been mocked or patronised during this World Cup. I’m Welsh. Do you not think I understand how tired, old stereotypes irritate and offend? If I felt that anything bordering on racism had occurred here, it would have been removed at once, so I cannot see the need for you to repeatedly attack other nationalities in the name of football (supposedly The Beautiful Game). It’s not nice to gloat and goad, particularly when we have fans from France here. Congratulations to Italy. You played some good football, held your nerve and dispatched your penalties with great precision. That’s the end of it. I don’t wish to discuss or debate this post further, so any comments referring to it will instantly be deleted. This is posted to draw a thick line under this ongoing episode and to let everyone know what will, and will not, be tolerated. If you don’t like it, don’t post, because I don’t care. I’m not here to be anyone’s friend. Now let’s just get on with posting in the usual manner without all this self-satisfied, smug rubbish (which you’ve used to criticise the self-satisfied smugness of others, thereby proving that further discussion is entirely pointless). – Features Editor]

  111. Isn’t there some kind of sound wave thingie that can break these bladder stones up now? I’m pretty sure there is something. My dad has passed over 13 of the damn things. Certain types of foods cause it, so he was told, potoatoes and strawberries being on the list. But I’m no expert on the subject.

  112. Wow; I pray I never fall foul of one of your put-downs. The shame, the embarrassment and the horror.

    Your ever loyal servant.

    Jeremy

  113. [Thank you, Ian. “Highly irritable, frequently bemused sucker for punishment. Will keep trying even when it all seems rather pointless. Conscientious, diligent French-learner with exceptional organisational skills. Doesn’t take tea breaks.” Doesn’t know the difference between a job description and a C.V. by the looks of it, either. – Features Editor]

    Wow ! Et c’est vrai, tout ça ? Tant d’exquises compétances … C.V. impressionnant ! Si David veut vous garder, il va devoir vous augmenter !

    Michèle

  114. fed, i actually feel better about our ‘friendship’ than ever. you were actually very precise and to the point with a few of the comebacks on my posts. i have to say that i wasnt aware of some of the others and they are very funny.

    the one about the lady thinking she was at pink floyd instead of gilmour’s solo show was pretty funny too. people can be really stupid, and maybe i irritate you at times, but i think you know that i am a true d.g. fan…i am truly moved by the man’s abilities and he has had a profound effect on my life. there is no doubt about that…just walk in my bar.

    i do think you sense that and held back a bit and i appreciate that..( i may be wrong on that too but i hope not) anyway, ‘cheers mate’ as you would say. (i liked the roger walters one too…the one’s written to me werent that funny…do u think so fed?)

    i have to admit that i was a little hurt about not being mentioned in the captions contest though …i did have a pretty funny one after bitching about the captions…..and now i can be up for the self-promotion as well…

  115. [David’s hard at work trying to single-handedly combat world poverty at the moment. Finding cures for all known diseases is also keeping him busy, so condemning sectarian violence and international terrorism is perhaps asking a bit much at this time. I’m sure he’ll add it to the long list of problems he’s expected to fix with his voice and guitar, though. Watch this space. – Features Editor]

    too damn funny!!!!!!

  116. Mr. Gilmour and fellow DG bloggers,

    Cheers!!! A toast to a truly great leader, a leader who has succeeded in the challenge of uniting people who are diverse in their strengths and ways and in seeing the world, then harmonizing them into a sound that moves so many is awesome…Thanks for all the fantastic sound therapy you have provided me throughout my years… You deserve everything you have, are and more… I throw my earnings to you, not all of course…

    &

    A Happy Holiday to all you shameless self-promoters out there, including you, Mr. Gilmour. Much love and many Blessings to you and yours…

  117. Hello Fed,

    I thought the remark about the “Muppet” was an outstanding one. Too bad I couldn’t recall it clear enough to accurately quote it. Maybe another blogger could help me out here.

    Anyway, what would the blog be without a little of your dark sarcasm in the classroom eh?

    Oh, and by the way bloggers don’t forget to…..

    *VOTE*VOTE*VOTE*VOTE*VOTE*VOTE*VOTE*VOTE*VOTE*

  118. *********ANNOUNCEMENT*********

    The winning put-down was surely a vote for IT technicians everywhere.

    “I think I’m something? Get lost, pal. I think people like you spoil what could be a good thing, hence the need for patronising rules and close moderation. If you don’t like it, f*ck off. I say that, of course, with respect.” (The ‘Blog House’ Rules, 24 April)

    Thanks to all who voted (and did not encourage further use of that naughty ‘C’ word).

Comments are closed.